My Own
by saucykate
Summary: Elena of the Turks, her stormy love for Tseng, and her struggles with the other men in her life, from when she first joins our heroes to his 'death' and beyond.
1. Chapter 1

My Own  
by Kate/Kaeda (kaeda@water-witch.net)  
Pairing: sorta Elena/Tseng  
Rating: PG-13  
For some reason "On My Own" from Les Miserables reminds me of Elena. I'm not an Elena/Tseng fan too much but Elena strikes me as a unique character. She intrigues me. Go figure. Her tragic love of Tseng catches me. So I wrote. Enjoy. R and R please. Constructive criticism is welcome but if you flame me I'll laugh at how stupid you are. *shrug*

I haven't played the game in awhile. Forgive any indescrepancies or things that don't really flow with game-time. If it really bugs the bejeezus out of you, think of this as an AU.

::::::::DISCLAIMER:::::::  
Final Fantasy 7 doesn't belong to me! Neither do Tseng, Elena, Reno, Rude, the Turks, Shinra, or anything else mentioned in this fanfic (duh XP). I would, however, like a Rufus Shinra if it's at all possible ^_^;. Please don't flame. This is just MY interpretation of Elena because I've never found her portrayed the way I see her in a fanfic. This will probably be a multi-part fic.  
No real warnings. Maybe mild swearing. C'mon, they're Turks. They don't have the cleanest language. Oh yes, and Reno and his "advice" later, which is mildly sexual. It's not anything worse that you'll hear on the average show on TV x_X.

And now the monster author's notes are done! Fanfic! *points*

----My Own----

My suit was crisp and clean, perfectly pressed. The rules and regulations were firm in my mind, and I could fire them off like there was no tomorrow if need be. And just in case I forgot, despite all my military training and mental training on the side, there was a crumbled piece of paper containing the most precious instructions I'd ever received. How to be a Turk. All I had left to do was apply the small amount of blush and powder my lips, making sure my hair fell neatly around my head in my usual even style as I finished up in the bathroom. I couldn't mess up this morning. I was a Turk.  
Nothing would stand in my way. I had finally bullied, charmed, and annoyed the bejeezus out of everyone to get my way to where I was. I was unstoppable. The fact that I was the only female Turk didn't stop me in the least; I knew I was good at what I did, and I could take out any enemy of Shinra Inc just as fast as the males could, if not faster. I was clever to a fault, and had a healthy dose of luck as well.  
My own overconfidence, however, was fated to be my downfall, I'm afraid. My feelings had been locked up in an empty shell of a woman who only wanted to succeed and be looked at as any man's equal, and when feelings are locked up, sometimes they burst out at the most inopportune times. They can turn the powerful into the weak, the emotionally sound into a quivering mass of nerves.  
I was finally ready. I grabbed my purse, which unlike most ladies', held a small handheld weapon that I could use at a moment's notice hidden in the back, along with a vial of poison should I need it, sleeping pills, and an assortment of other various items that could come in handy, including a potion should I be caught unawares and some extra materia that I had bought in Junon. I was ready for my first day, and as I walked along the crowded streets of the upper plate of Midgar, in my perfect suit, perfect hair, and perfect attitude, I knew that not one person would guess that I was joining Shinra's most feared henchmen.  
Henchmen is such a petty word. It sounds like a bunch of broad shouldered, bulky men in muscle shirts who have nothing better to do than stand around with big machine guns and try to look tough. And that was the exact opposite of the Turks. No, we were not henchmen. We of the Turks were followers, yet leaders, assassins, yet protectors. We were walking contradictions, and because of that, we scared the common people more than any 'henchmen' would. Plus, I am not a big burly man. Neither was Tseng. Or Reno, for that matter. But Tseng was always willowy, with his ebony hair that framed his smooth face.  
But I'm getting ahead of myself here. Right then and there I was doing my best impression of ice woman, an impression that would not last long after the first day, I'm afraid. I have always been innocent. Ambition does not wipe away innocence; it takes death, duty, and destruction to kill the sparkle in one's eyes, to lose the bounce in the step. It still has not taken its toll on me. You would think it would have, by now. Reno and Rude still tell me I am too innocent, too cheerful, and too ready to accept the facts for my own good.  
Perhaps I was perfectly suited to be a Turk. I myself was also a walking contradiction.  
It was definitely my destiny. As I finally reached Shinra Tower, my nerves were screaming in irritation. I was tense as could be. I wondered if I'd have to deal with Heidegger right off, or if he'd defer me to the second in command of the Turks, the Turk who actually lead. The beautiful Wutan. I'd seen him only once, while training. He himself had been practicing with a Wutan sensei who had come down from Wutai during a lull in the war to train recruits, and his grace, excellence, and intelligence had caught me at once.  
Later I found out he was a Turk. From then on, I wanted no other job. I wanted to be graceful. I wanted my enemies to admire my skill, beauty, and courage before I killed them, before I washed the walls with their blood, and before I returned to Shinra with their heads.  
I've always been a bit bloodthirsty as well. I am innocent, yet deadly. No wonder all of the workers at Shinra did not know what to make of me. Sometimes I don't even know what to make of myself.  
I pushed open the glass doors and strode to the elevators. The SOLDIERs standing by the door checked my security pass, then ushered me in and told me to report to the 66th floor. Since the rebel group AVALANCHE had broken into the building a few weeks before, I understood the high security, and pressed the button to the 66th floor. The elevator was fast and got me to the top quickly, my stomach feeling like it had been left behind. But then again, it had been feeling like that all day.  
I realized then that I didn't know where to go from there. There was a hall with more than a dozen offices branching off of it to one side and another, similar, hall with more offices on the other. In the middle was a room that led to a giant conference room that appeared to be empty. I shrugged and took a gamble, taking a right turn and looking at the sign on the first door I came to.  
"Tseng. Head of the Turks." It read. I was lucky indeed. Female instinct and all that, I called it. I wondered how formal I needed to be as I knocked lightly on the door. A smooth, silken voice called "enter" and I did so, pushing the ivory doorknob slightly so that the paneled maple door swung open to reveal a lone figure sitting at a desk that was far too large for him, the top of the desk covered with paperwork and a small computer. But it was not the desk that caught my eye.  
It was him. Tseng of the Turks. For he was everything I had remembered and more; he was gorgeous, every woman's dream, a fantasy that had taken form in front of my very eyes. Even the strange, foreign dot on his forehead didn't seem too strange with his exotic looks. He seemed stoic; calm and collected, with no hint of a amusement or even curiosity on his perfect features.  
The man gave me a heart attack. I am not the type of woman who falls for every man she sees; I am guarded and careful in my prospects. I have fallen in love, naively, before. But never like this. Never had I felt the pull of attraction so strong. Never had I felt an immediate spark towards a man as I did the moment I met Tseng.  
It took me quite a while to figure out that Tseng never felt that spark back. No, Tseng's heart was always another's, never mine, no matter how hard I tried to make it otherwise.  
He looked up, dark creamed chocolate eyes capturing mine immediately, and I felt like a heroine in a movie, like I was going to swoon into the unwieldy hero's arms. But in this world, I was not the heroine at all. I was the hero in all his facets. I had no hero to swoon upon; I was the hero himself. But I had no heroine to swoon upon me, either. I was both, and neither, and in this role I was doomed to be cast until the end of time. So I was strong, and I kept my head level and my palms dry as I cleared my throat and tried as professionally as I could to announce who I was.  
"My name is E-Elena, sir." No last names. Shinra preferred it that way in the Turks. It kept us anonymous, and it made us seem less human. I'm sure if Hojo had had any say in it, they would have made us even go by numbers, but at least the leaders of Shinra were human to a certain degree. Rufus Shinra had always been on our side more than anyone else.  
Ha. Cool, calm, collected, I told myself as Tseng gestured for me to take a seat. I was officially a Turk. I wasn't even a recruit like most Turks-to-be were when they went to see Tseng. Reno, the redhead with the temper, had declared me competent when I'd bested him two out of three, and then bested the only member of the Turks who was truly deserving of the title "henchman", Rude, two out of three as well. Rude was burly, big, and impossible to get around. It took feminine intelligence to get past him.  
I'd impressed them enough for them to let me in, hands down. They who had sneered at a challenge from a woman had found themselves face down in my dust. And so I earned my way to Turkdom.  
"You're our new Turk," Tseng commented, swinging around in his chair so that he made eye contact. I nodded, trying to keep up my aloof confidence while confronted by a man who turned my insides into jello. My heart pounded loudly in my chest and I cursed it, sure that Tseng could hear it from where he sat and that he would think I was weak, a child, unsure of where I was, what I was doing, or what I was in for. And he would have been right.  
I could not let him know that.  
"I bested Reno and Rude both," I said clearly, astonished at my brash attitude. "They agreed if I could beat them, they'd petition you to see if I could join. You said you were impressed and, while the Turks are normally an all male group of...individuals, you would review my files and think about allowing me in. After three days, you decided that you could use another member since Reno's been out on injuries sustained from the rebels for the most part, and accepted me into the organization." He nodded, pulling a folder from his desk and laying it out in front of me.  
"Your successes are stunning. Your professionalism has been recommended by at least five different sources within the Shinra military, and your level-headed attitude towards fighting and battle has been praised greatly. I look forward to seeing what you can bring to the Turks," he told me. His voice was perfect, like a musician and a finely tuned instrument. His voice enchanted; it chilled and seduced, and without even meaning to he had me in his spell.  
"I except to be treated as an equal to Reno or Rude," I said before I lost the ounce of bravado I'd gained. I didn't want them all tiptoeing around me because I was a woman. Spying, fighting, even killing. That was my business, and I knew exactly what each took.  
"You will be. We will not go easy on you because of your sex, Elena," Tseng replied. His eyes grew stern and I felt myself flushing. As if I had ever expected *anyone* to go easy on me because I was a woman! He seemed to sense this and smiled, the first ghost of an emotion other than professionalism I'd gleaned from him. "You'll share the office with Reno and Rude. I hope you can get along with them, because you'll be seeing a lot of them. You're dismissed." I felt casually thrown off, like a towel or a discarded tissue, but instead of letting my annoyance show, I stood, bowed to this god of a man, and left quickly, finding my way down the hall to the Turks' main office.  
I opened the door to find redheaded Reno, sunglasses in his hair and shirt unbuttoned to his mid-chest, eating a donut and explaining to Rude exactly why Shinra should start us later in the day, while Rude drank a glass of orange juice and grunted in agreement every once in awhile.  
This was going to be a long day.

I don't know when Reno first figured it out. The boyish, flirty Turk was the first person who truly became my friend at Shinra, and it took even him awhile to realize that I carried a torch for Tseng. The leader of our pack didn't socialize much with us during the first week of my job. He was busy dealing with rebel groups and the like, the biggest of which had fled Midgar and was currently running across the continent leaving all hell behind it. They were the same who'd infiltrated Shinra Tower and been there for the assassination of the late President Shinra by Sephiroth. They were keeping the Shinra execs very busy.  
You would think, with all the paperwork and spy work Tseng was doing, the rest of us would be bogged down as well, but we weren't. Not a bit. I had come to the conclusion that being a Turk was rather boring. So much for the glamour. It was more like being a lackey of some sort. I had no desire to see how much of Shinra's computer system I could hack like Rude did, or see how long it would take me to piss off Rude by making fun of his bald head like Reno did. I wanted to work, I wanted to get a job done, and I wanted to see Tseng.  
I got my wish, all right.  
Tseng burst in at the end of the week, just as Reno was getting ready to launch his fifteenth paper airplane that day out the window. He didn't even bat an eyelash at Reno's antics, which didn't surprise me all that much. I looked up from the magazine I was reading and felt myself blushing as he entered. Standing, I could see that he also had a great body to go along with his gorgeous looks. I quickly averted my eyes before I gave myself away, but Reno caught me at that moment and smirked. Rude was ready and we all waited for Tseng to get around to telling us whatever he had to say.  
"Rude, Elena, we're going to the Mythril Mines," he said suddenly. Reno's look got pouty but Tseng ignored it. "Reno, you'll be staying here for recon. Plus, I think Heidegger wants a chance to beat on you while the rest of us aren't around." He smiled briefly. "Elena, this'll be your first assignment. Think of it as a really belated trial. Even though you're almost definitely in, I want to see how you perform in a combat situation." I nodded briskly. I would not botch this up!  
I watched Tseng leave, admiring the way he walked and how his hair swished perfectly around his face, and was so caught up in my own daydreams that I didn't even notice Reno come up behind me until he was right next to me.  
"You've got the hots for our stoic leader," he teased, grinning from ear to ear. I blushed immediately.  
"I-I do not!" I stuttered. "I don't know what you're talking about. Tseng is a very good leader. He knows what he's doing and he's very p-professional." I coughed to hide my loss of words and felt much like a little kid who could not lie his way out of trouble. Reno had a gleam in his eye that I'd seen before. He was up to something.  
"Leave her alone, Reno," Rude grunted, the most he'd said all day, before going back to his laptop. As usual, Reno completely ignored Rude and continued to pester me.  
"Tseng's all business, no pleasure," Reno continued. "It'd probably do him some good to get laid." I blushed even more. Tseng's sex life was none of my business, and Reno knew it! The redhead was not finished, however. "You should give it a try."  
"Tseng is our LEADER!" I burst out. "I wouldn't think such a thing. He's a good man, and yes he's rather attractive, but I will not jeopardize my job by having it get out that I'm sleeping with my boss." No matter how tempting it sounded. Ever since Reno planted that little idea into my head, however, I couldn't get it out. My heart pounded and my face flushed, but it would not go away. And Reno wasn't even done yet.  
"I can set you up," he went on as if I hadn't said anything. " A nice candlelit dinner...then a hotel room, and presto, Tseng gets the pole out of his ass and you're on cloud nine."  
"In other words, you could get away with murder," I snapped, whapping him on the head lightly with my magazine. "No, I think I'll pass on that one." Tempted. Yes, I was sorely tempted. Tseng was probably the type of man who would think nothing of sleeping one night with a woman. But I believed in true love, no matter how silly it sounded to a professional assassin, and I would not accept being a "one night stand" to anyone.  
Plus, Reno got away with enough when Tseng was in a *bad* mood. I shuddered to think of how much he'd get away with if Tseng was even somewhat distracted.  
No. For the good of the Turks, I would not crack. This strange...desire...would stay pent up inside me. Tseng would never know, as long as Reno didn't blab, and it would all go well. And maybe, in the future, after Shinra settled down, removed the rebel groups, and got everything back to the point where a Turk's job was boring...maybe then, Tseng and I would have a chance.  
Now was not the time to ponder this. We had some AVALANCHE hunting to do.  
...to be continued...

Next time! It gets a bit more angsty as Elena realizes that her attraction to Tseng is not just a feminine crush, but something a bit...more. Reno causes more trouble. Rude ".........."'s a lot. The infamous first run in with AVALANCHE in the Mythril Mines. R and R! ^_^ 


	2. Chapter 2

My Own Chapter 2  
by Kate/Kaeda (kaeda@water-witch.net)  
Pairing: sorta Elena/Tseng  
Rating: PG-13

Ah, it's Chapter 2! I got it out fast, too *_*. I'm not usually this good at completeing another chapter, but I got a ton of inspiration :D. I started a new game so that I could record the dialouge from the Mythril Mines, but I haven't gotten there yet *falls over* so that's in the next chapter :P.

Thanks to all you loverly people who reviewed ^_-. I love you :D. The Aeris idea came from KrystalClear, and the rest of you just rock. Please review this one too *^^*.

Disclaimer in chapter 1. I get so sick of typing it over and over and over X_X;;. I'll still laugh at you if you flame me, though. ¬¬

And now, onto chapter 2 :D.

----Chapter 2----

I am not a tragic heroine. My life hasn't really been touched by tragedy. My father is not involved in some illegal, unseemly enterprise. My mother has not died, or whored, or anything so spectacularly interesting. They live a simple life in a middle- class suburb of Junon. My dad is a Shinra employee, but he is an accountant. He doesn't fight. He doesn't kill.  
That is my job.  
My mother is a housewife. She is the most gentle woman you would ever meet, her looks the splitting image of myself. She cooks the best food on this side of the continent, and all the Shinra employees who work with my father know it. They are both supportive, but I am the black sheep of the family. They love me, but they don't understand. They never can understand. I hope they never do understand what it is like to be a professional lackey who kills for a super-powerful company that runs the planet.  
Because my life had been relatively normal, I had not expected to meet someone who completely threw me off balance. I figured I would either die in my career or meet someone nice, settle down, have a few kids, and go out and fight for whoever I was working for at the time while my family was asleep. I had such naive perceptions of the world. True love was barely beyond the next hill, easy to see and, so I thought, in my grasp. All it took was a chance.  
I'd been taking chances all my life, with the innocent trust that nothing would happen to *me*. So I did it again. I was a fool. But the foolish are ruled by the fools who hire them, and I was no different than the rest. The Turks were the powerful few, but even we were powerless against the faceless mob that was Shinra Inc itself. Not even Rufus Shinra had all that power.  
So we were preparing to go to the Mythril mines.   
I was not sure what I was expecting from my first mission. I had only been with the Turks for a week; surely I hadn't expected them to immediately adopt me into their ranks. But I had not expected the cold way Rude regarded our mission.  
"You must understand," he told me once, while we were counting all our materia and placing it in coloured bags based on category, "that you are nothing more than a fancy hired killer. You wear a pretty blue suit and look neat and business- like, but in reality you aren't anything but a killer. Remember that." My heart wanted to cry out that I was more than that, but I said nothing. I never said anything. My heart seemed to wonder how a young woman like myself had turned ruthless like this, my innocence trapped in a mask of toughness and my heart lied to and played like an instrument. I myself didn't understand it at all, but back then, I didn't try to, either.  
It is not a hired assassin's job to ask questions.  
We silence those who ask.

The materia was ready, the weapons cleaned and prepared, and even the fat brute of a man Heidegger hadn't found any errors in our pre-mission plans, to even Tseng's shock. Tseng, stoic and emotionless, had raised an eyebrow at the large man as he'd grunted approval. I sometimes wondered what the common citizens of Midgar would have thought had they known who the Turks *really* were. A lunatic with red hair. A large bulky man who never removed his sunglasses. An emotionless god. And me, the woman, the innocent, the charmer. The eager one. The young one.  
Reno never fooled anyone. He acted young, but he had aged beyond his years. His childish behavior was a cover for stronger, more dangerous emotions. I knew he had grown up in the slums; beyond that, his past was a mystery even to me. The man was an enigma, but not quite as large an enigma as Tseng.  
Tseng. I had discovered things about Rude and Reno, due to a little research into Shinra's computer network, but nothing about the Wutan man other than he was from Wutai and that he was a good ten years older than me. I wanted to know more, but Tseng stayed in his shell. He scared me more than anyone else ever had before, and after a few times of trying to get to know him, I started to avoid him.  
The night before our expedition to the Mythril Mines to catch up with the fleeing rebels, I worked late into the night, typing up the remaining details to leave with Reno and Heidegger. The office was empty; it was nearly midnight, and all sane Shinra execs (and other workers, for that matter) had left long ago. My single light on my desk burned into the flaming darkness, keeping away the demons that darkness brought with it. Demons that called like transparent angels and tempted.  
I opened my blinds to the night sky, a sky I never really saw from my apartment, despite it being on the upper plate. The large picture window looked upon the sky, lit up by billions of office buildings in Midgar, and the moon glowing brightly above them all, covered by the filmy silk of a single cloud. The stars seemed to dance around it, like tiny ice sculptures, all careening in to create a masterpiece of perfection. The air seemed chilled, cold, and magical, as if all the Mako of the world was captured within its grasp. It captivated me.  
My mind has always been like that of a small child; easily amused by pretty things. Bangles and bracelets amuse me. But the sky...a sky where I could see the moon. I hadn't seen her in so long...  
"Even in Midgar the stars shine," a smooth, silken voice rang out behind me. I turned to see Tseng, standing in the doorway, the moon reflected in his dark, husky eyes. He looked like a lost soul, a ghost of the past, and my heart gave a painful skip.  
"I thought you left a-ages ago, sir," I said formally, half-bowing my head to acknowledge him. He shook his head.  
"There is no need to be formal, Elena," he replied. "It is just you, I, and the stars here. There is no one to tell that Elena of the Turks doesn't respect her superiors." I swallowed hard and nodded, not trusting my voice anymore. The stars and the moon. The stars may be stark truth, laid out against the backdrop of the sky. But who knew what the moon could conceal in her cloudy tresses?  
"The stars are like cold mirrors," I whispered, not knowing where the comparison had come from but knowing that it felt right. "They burn. They see through me, interrogate me."  
He grinned slightly. "And that, Elena-san, is why there are blinds in this office. Many a Turk could not appreciate the prying eyes of the stars. They know all." He turned to go. "You are doing good work. You make a good Turk." He paused for a moment. "I wish for you to meet in my office an hour before we leave for the area around the Mythril Mines. I have some special last-minute instructions for you and Rude." He smiled at something, slightly. His own private joke, perhaps.  
Oh, how I loved him at this moment. He was so deep, so true, and seemed so pure, like he'd never hurt me, or anyone else. An assassin with innocence. So like myself. And so not. For Tseng had a ruthlessness that even I did not. The coldness in his eyes could be attributed to anything but innocence. No, Tseng was as cold and ruthless as rumored. But for tonight, he was mine, and as he was mine, he was everything a man should be.  
"Shall you lower the blinds, Elena?" he asked me softly. Though his tone was mild, I sensed a challenge in the words, and answered them with a challenge of my own.  
"No, sir. I do not mind feeling naked in front of the stars. I have nothing to hide." I looked him firmly in the eyes, resisting the urge to lower my head and stare at my feet like a gawky teenager. I was past that stage.  
He smiled slightly, turned a bit, and with a sigh of air, was gone.  
It seemed as if the stars themselves wept.

I have a flair for the dramatic, it seems. This was not meant to be anything more than a narrative of my life with the Turks, and my love for their stunning leader. But it has gone past that already; it is an insight into my character as well, and as such, I cannot seem to comprehend where I am going with this. I have never understood myself. The belief that my identity laid outside my grasp had been implanted in my head since I had entered military school at Shinra.  
That day, it started as cold as the stars the night before had been. I awoke early despite my late night, my alarm ringing in my ears. The covers were unnaturally warm and I did not want to leave my cocoon of comfort. I didn't want to face the truth. That today, I might have to kill. The anticipation of killing always made me sick. The killing itself I enjoyed as much as the next Turk, the power rush it gave me. I am a bloodthirsty angel, a demonic danger. It was the anticipation I couldn't stand.  
As I took a shower, the sins of my life seeming to wash off with the water. I dressed in my neatly pressed blue suit, straightening the tie and slipping into the flared pants and the black shoes. My uniform wasn't any different than Reno's or Rude's except it accented certain parts of a woman that men's suits did not. I combed my hair around my face in my usual style, a small strand of a bang hanging down in front of my eyes. This beautiful blond was ready for her job.  
My first assignment as a Turk.   
I reached Shinra headquarters at half past eight, the place already bustling with the usual hustle of a busy day. The door guards swallowed nervously as they looked at my pass before letting me into the building, eyeing my blue Turks uniform the whole way. And yet I was cheerful, unnaturally cheerful. I pressed the button, humming a cheery little ditty in my head, getting odd looks from random passerby's. I didn't care. Yesterday it had been Tseng, me, and the stars. Today I would see him again.  
I reached the 66th floor quickly, before my eight-thirty appointment with Tseng. Rude came bustling out the door promptly at eight-twenty and nodded to me, grunting in his usual style. I nodded back, fighting a smile. Sometimes I feared that the man would clobber me. And then Tseng's voice rang out,  
"Come in."  
My heart leapt, and in a surge of emotion, I reached for the doorknob, opened the door, and walked in. I hoped Tseng couldn't smell fear. I certainly reeked of it at the moment.  
Tseng sat at his desk, hands folded across the top, when I entered. As usual, my heart tightened in my chest and tears came to my eyes. I quickly suppressed my emotions; they were a weakness, and a weakness I did not need Tseng to see. His dark eyes bored into mine and my heart skipped.  
"Sit down, Elena," he said, no hint of emotion on his face. I swallowed and seated myself, sensing doom on his mind.  
We would have to kill today.  
The thought twisted in my head, seemed to laugh at me. An assassin who hated the lead-up to killing. I was an anomaly. A strange girl with no sense, no finesse, and most importantly, an innocent, childish demeanor. I could almost feel Tseng thinking that I was a little girl. But then again, I was.  
"Sir?" I inquired as he remained silent, fingers drumming on the desk as if he was impatient. His nails were perfect, just like the rest of him, neatly manicured and kept short and clean. I wondered if Shinra paid for his nail job along with his hair, his office, and his whole life. What kind of a life could that possibly be? If Shinra took away its support...Tseng would be helpless. His eyes flickered dangerously and he began.  
"We have received new instructions. Sephiroth, too, has been reported near the Mythril Mines. A dead Zolom on a forked stick was at the entrance. Now we go to hunt Sephiroth as well." My blood went cold and my mind spun. Sephiroth.  
Shinra's enigma. Shinra's superweapon.  
Shinra's mistake.  
"They feel we Turks are capable of dealing with Sephiroth? And isn't he dead anyway?" I asked, my panic obvious as my voice rose in pitch. Tseng raised an eyebrow at me, obviously not expecting this sort of reaction. I supposed he was learning more and more about the woman he had hired every day, some things I probably wouldn't want him to know.  
"He is not dead. And we are not after him to kill him; We are to follow, and observe. To spy. We are Turks, you know. We *do* spy." I nodded. The hint of amusement in his voice seemed to strike a chord within me. A rather large and delicate chord. I amused him. My panic amused him, my life amused him. A flash of anger rose and fell just as fast, as I realized that it was this man's job to see through people.  
Damn it all. I wanted to put up a wall. While feeling naked in front of the stars did not bother me, feeling naked in front of Tseng did.  
"Yes, sir, I will do well," I promised, making to stand up from my chair, but one elegant, tanned hand reached out and stopped me. Those damn nails of his...  
And then, this wonderful man killed all my dreams. He reached into his desk, pulled out a picture, and held it up so that I could see. I grabbed it and held it, my hands shaking nervously as I took it all in. It held a woman, hair a soft brown hue, eyes the color of clover on a spring day in the fields outside of Midgar. She held an innocence that even I didn't have. She was...beautiful.  
"Who is she?" I whispered, fearing the answer. I did not want to feel a flash of jealousy, of hurt.  
"One of the rebels. Her name is Aeris Gainsborough, and you are not to touch her or hurt her in any way." His eyes were stern and unforgiving. Dark. And I could not help but blurt out,  
"You love her, sir?" His eyes narrowed.  
"She is the only one who can defeat Sephiroth. That is enough. You are dismissed." I stood, exited quietly. I had pushed too far, tried to pry too far into a life that did not concern me. Tseng's very existence outside of work did not concern me. Even if he did not love her, it had been none of my business to ask. I had overstepped the boundaries of employer and employee. I could have kicked myself.  
Inside, my heart cried.

He had always been blind. Always. He never saw what was right at his fingertips, who loved him more than life itself. I cried alone, enduring torment in my dreams, then awakening like nothing was wrong. The dawn held me captive as the shower washed away my tears, and the streets of Midgar silenced the thumping of my heart. I retreated into another reality in my dreams, a reality where Tseng was nothing but a figment of my imagination, and one I could manipulate. A wish all women want.  
But that came later. It was the heart's sad sigh of disappointment that struck me now. Not the bitter triumph of heartbreak, not the all-encompassing wave of defeat that came with rejection. Just disappointment. Of course. A man like Tseng *would* be in love with another. It was stupid to think otherwise.  
I am a stupid girl, though.  
The copter left promptly at noon, Rude, Tseng, and I inside enjoyed a cold chocobo lunch on dark wheat bread from the other continent. It was a delicacy that Rufus Shinra had granted us for doing his ambitious bidding. In some sense, the new president and I had much in common. Both of us were turning around unbelievable odds to achieve our goals. As I ate rather sloppily, I watched Tseng daintily eat his own sandwich. The man was perfection.  
"Well Rude, I bet we'll kick those AVALANCHE rebels from here to Junon and back and wipe the floor with them!" I said cheerfully, keeping up with the babble to hide my hurt. I couldn't let Tseng know that telling me of Aeris had pinched me. "And with Tseng here, nothing can go wrong! It's a shame Reno couldn't come. But oh, chasing Sephiroth; what an opportunity! I hope I'm up to it..." I went on and on. After awhile even I stopped paying attention to my own incessant babble. There was no point to it except to keep the silence in the copter from growing too large, from swallowing me whole without any chance of escape.  
"Elena, can the optimism," Tseng told me. "We're on a mission, not a field trip to the zoo." After that, I tried to contain my "excitement" a little better, and I tried to ignore the hurt that his comment had caused in me.  
He didn't even realize...  
Acting like a ditz has been my defense mechanism since before I can remember. When I was a little girl, I used to tilt my head to the side and stare at anyone who confused or hurt me with the widest blue eyes, until they forgot what they were saying. As I grew older, before I entered the academy, boys turned into the primary targets of my ditzy attitude. If one hurt me, Elena the smart girl who would go to Shinra's military academy would suddenly becoming unendingly cheerful, innocent, bright, and chatty. It annoyed the hell out of my superiors at the military school once I finally enrolled.  
It wasn't like I could escape it. It was just one of those things, like biting nails or grinding teeth. Mine was just a bit more unique. It suited me.  
The copter ride was long and tiring, and Tseng and Rude weren't inclined to talking. As the hour moved into two, I amused myself by imagining exactly what it would be like to have Tseng love me. To have someone to hold me, to have someone hug me and tell me that everything was going to be all right. To have someone to go to when tears flowed, to have someone who I could reveal my *real* emotions to.  
But I didn't. Not yet. The copter bumped and I flew out of my seat, cursing my seatbelt. I realized with embarrassment that I'd landed in Tseng's lap. He looked down at me, raised an eyebrow, and to my chagrin I turned bright red and quickly climbed away from him.  
"Sorry, sir!" I apologized profusely, quickly re-fastening my seatbelt before another such bump, but in that small amount of time, I'd come to a decision. The decision that would change my life forever.  
I would be the best Turk ever. I would do it proudly and with honor, and so well that even Tseng would come before me with love and respect in his eyes.  
I would win him.  
...to be continued...

In chapter 3: they'll (hopefully) finally reach the Mythril Mines. My next time in Chapter 1 was really optimistic as I didn't really achieve ANY of it in this chapter...ah well :P. R and R please! ^_- 


	3. Chapter 3

My Own Chapter 3  
by Kate/Kaeda (kaeda@water-witch.net)  
Pairing: Elena pining after Tseng O.o  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Whoo, finally got this one out! Thanks to Vera Priscaleth for typing up all the Elena   
conversations and emailing them to me *_*. They were a big help for this chapter! Also,  
this chapter probably flows differently or has a different writing style than the others,  
because it's been awhile *_*. Much apologies.  
  
Once again, thanks for all the lovely reviews. Good reviews make me feel warm and fuzzy,  
so please leave some if you like! ^_^  
  
Disclaimer in chapter 1. Ha.  
  
----Chapter 3----  
  
            I have never been a very strong person. Reno and Rude have always outshined me in   
that respect; Rude is the brute strength and Reno is the wily fighter.  But I, I am the   
hidden killer, the woman. I am the brains of the operation. I am crafty and careful, and I  
watch before I act. Sometimes I think Tseng might have feared me slightly, although my  
innocence and charm made me seem like I wasn't a large threat.  I think he realized I was.  
            And yet if you listen to me, I don't seem like the brains at all. I seem like quite  
a ditz when people first meet me, and some people don't even bother to look below my skin,  
to see what guile and craft boils below my facade.  
            So where was I?  Oh yes, the mythril mines.  My first real assignment as a Turk, one  
I was determined to do right, do well, and come back unscathed in.  Little did I know  
exactly what was waiting for me.  
            As the copter circled at the entrance to the mines near the rebel fortress of Fort  
Condor, I couldn't get my mind off of the second part of our mission.  Sephiroth. Sephiroth  
had been before my time, but I'd heard stories. Stories are always the more exaggerated  
versions of the truth, I suppose, but the cold general with mako eyes and silverine hair  
has always induced a chill in me. My parents used to talk at night about him when they  
thought I was asleep. My father, the simple Shinra worker, didn't trust how the company   
depended on him so very much. Oh he was a military genius, sure. But he was dangerous.  
            And now we were chasing him.  My father's little daughter, the innocent angel of  
hell, was chasing him. And my father was always an excellent judge of character. Plus,  
Sephiroth had killed the *president*.  
            What the hell had I gotten myself into?  
  
            We touched down.  Tseng, in all his fluidity and grace, motioned for the rest of us  
to stay put inside the copter and opened the door slowly, peering outside as if Avalanche  
or perhaps Sephiroth himself had foreseen our landing and were waiting in the wings to   
ambush our unsuspecting asses. Of course, who knew what Sephiroth was capable of...and  
Avalanche seemed a lot more than just a simple group of rebels from the slums, so perhaps  
Tseng's caution was not just paranoia after all. I trusted Tseng's judgment.  
            He pushed back strands of his hair as he slowly stepped out, and I admired his  
grace, his shiny hair. His perfection seemed to sparkle out from him, radiate.  
Rude didn't even notice; I think he was asleep.  
            Tseng WAS perfection.  
            He pulled his gun out and walked from the copter to the entrance to the cave and   
back, then motioned for Rude and I to follow. I kicked Rude in the shin, rather hard, and   
watched him shake awake in a rather startled manner that surprised me.  He was a TURK, after  
all.  Wasn't he supposed to be ready for anything?  
            Obviously not, since his sunglasses slipped down his nose, off his face, and into  
his lap, revealing two of the most strangely glassy green eyes I had ever seen.  He quickly  
put his glasses back on and I wondered why his eyes had a shimmer.  
            But I didn't wonder for long.  Our glorious leader was motioning for us to follow,  
with his long elegant hands. I am a silly girl.  Even in times of great stress and when I  
need to be focused, I still notice things, like Tseng's hands.  Like his hair. Like his  
smile when all is going well. It always made me feel confident. And now, the memory  
makes me determined.  
            But that is later in this tale.  
            "Elena?" Rude asked groggily.  
            "We're here and Mr Tseng wants us to go!" I exclaimed. I have no idea why I called  
him Mr Tseng; it just seemed more professional than how we'd all referred to him before.  
And this assignment needed a professional attitude, or it would never get done right.  
            Rude stumbled out of the copter behind me and we followed Tseng into the last cave  
on the Ford Condor side. Tseng motioned us to crouch just beyond the entrance, and crept  
off into the blackness that was the cave.  
            "What's he doing?" I whispered nervously. I'm a very protective person. I hated  
the feeling that Tseng could get jumped by Sephiroth, by Avalanche, by ANYONE, and could die  
and I could do nothing but crouch here in the dark with my bald companion and hope and pray  
that he could handle himself in a fight. It went against my very nature. I was about to  
jump up and follow him, but Rude held my arm in a firm grip, his lips pressed in a firm   
line, and I realized he knew exactly what I was thinking. I wondered if I could possibly  
wrestle my way out of his grip...  
            I've always been a foolish girl.  
            I realized my stupidity a moment later when I was face down in the dust, Rude  
smirking above me. And his hand was still firmly attached to my damn arm. I growled.  
            "Get up," Tseng's voice snapped quietly from the shadows. I quickly rose and dusted  
myself off, blushing a pale pink from embarrassment. At least he was okay...but did he have  
to arrive back as soon as I was face down in the dirt?  "I've seen signs that Sephiroth  
headed to Junon."  
            "Junon?" I asked.  So close to home!  My heart grew cold. My parents were living  
in Junon, and who knew what went on in the mind of a madman?  Madmen are the most dangerous  
at all because their thought patterns make no sense to anyone except themselves, and they  
do the most ghastly things for the strangest reasons. I learned this long ago, training in  
the academy.  Training had driven more than a few recruits mad. Madness was nothing more  
than a different point of view to me, and yet a scary one.  
            Madmen can justify the most horrible of crimes. And that is the worst part.  
            Tseng went on, oblivious to my momentary lapse in concentration.  
            "Yes, Junon.  He's probably going to ambush Rufus Shinra's ceremony there, so I want  
you two to head there at once and protect the president until he gets on his ship to Costa  
Del Sol."  The orders made no sense.  We couldn't go up against Sephiroth, just Rude and I!  
Plus...  
            "What about Avalanche?" I asked, concerned. That had been the second part of our  
mission, and it wouldn't do to forget about part of it on my first assignment!  I look back  
and see how determined I was to do everything right, and I think I lost a little of myself  
in the official attitude I took. Now, I never hide behind a professional facade anymore.  
I always show my emotions.  
            I still can't decide if this is my weakness, or my strength. Sometimes I think it  
is both.  
            "I will stay and intercept them, try to stall them. Perhaps lead them on the wrong  
path."  He smiled coldly, and for the first time I glimpsed the predator in Tseng. This   
man was beautiful and dangerous. A truly deadly combination, especially for the woman who  
had fallen head over heels for him. "Go to Junon.  And remember to write up a report."  
            "Yes, sir," Rude answered, saluting firmly. I nodded along with Rude's crisp   
answer, but something didn't feel right about all this...  
            "I'm going to go towards the middle of the path. You two head out to the copter  
and tell the pilot to take you to Junon Harbor," Tseng ordered, standing up again.  I   
brushed my brand new Turk suit off and stood as well, Rude following suit, but he had to   
duck a bit because of the low ceiling of the cave. We both watched as Tseng disappeared  
down one of the tunnels.  
            "I hope he's okay!" I murmured into the dark. It was lost immediately on the wind  
that whispered through the crevices of the dormant mines, a momentary slip from the woman  
who could afford no feelings in front of her colleagues.  Rude turned to go and I hurried to  
catch up, heading towards the light that signaled the end of the mines.  
            We were almost there when we heard voices.  
            Not just any voices.  *Strange* voices, talking about *Sephiroth*. And Tseng was  
nowhere to be seen. I realized that Avalanche had come up a different way than Tseng had  
gone down...  
            "RUDE!" I hissed.  "We have to do something!  Avalanche is here, they came down a  
different tunnel than Tseng did, and if we don't do anything they'll get out of here before  
we can distract them!"  
            He simply raised an eyebrow at me.  He seemed to think it over, eyes calculating   
behind those damn glasses, and then he nodded. "I'll go," he told me gruffly. "You stay  
here and wait, and be prepared for trouble." I nodded once and crept up to where I could  
see him go to stand right where a ledge of one of the caves jutted out.  
            A moment later, the stupid rebels appeared. A boy with blond hair that was spiked  
in the oddest manner, a girl with a very curved figure and long black hair, and a cat-like  
creature that I recognized as one of Hojo's specimens.  Figured that one of Hojo's pets   
would escape and wreak havoc, I thought.  
            I never much liked Hojo.  
            "Just a second!" Rude told them. I think it was the loudest I'd ever heard him  
talk, and I was astonished at what the silent hulk could do when he wanted to.  I wondered  
if he could pull this off without my help. No sweat, right?  
            Who was I kidding?  My heart was beating like a drum, loud in my ears, and my   
stomach was clenched tightly. My nerves were worn thin and I realized that I was actually  
*scared*, for the first time in many years. I had gotten over fear. Fear needed to be  
overcome if you wanted to succeed in Shinra. But I was afraid.  
            A bit of the conversation flew by, mostly the Avalanche rebels making snide comments  
at poor Rude, but then I heard Rude start again, trying to distract them.  
            "It's difficult to say what the Turks do..."  
            And doing a rotten job of it, too. I winced, but didn't reveal myself. Chances  
were that my inexperience would screw this up even more than it already was if I chose to  
get involved...  
            "Kidnapping, right?"  the brat with the spiky hair asked.  I gritted my teeth.  
Kidnapping?  Is that what he thought I'd trained ages and ages to do? We were an elite,   
the hidden henchmen of Shinra, the ones no one would suspect if they did not know of our  
existence.  
            We were not, and never would be, petty *kidnappers*.  
            "To put it negatively...you could say that. But that's not all there is to it,   
anymore..." Rude replied. You could say that?  I fumed.  I didn't care how the hell Rude  
was trying to distract the rebels; he was giving us Turks a bad name!  I had never heard of  
us kidnapping anyone (although I had heard Reno and Rude talking about nabbing an Avalanche  
member, which explained why they were so focused on this), and I had joined the group  
thinking we were assassins.  
            I mean, kidnapping's so dumb.  What a waste of time.  If you want someone removed,  
kill them and get it over with...  
            I told you I was bloodthirsty.  
            I sat there and waited for Rude to say more, waited for him to correct himself or  
maybe dig himself deeper into the pit he'd already buried himself into, but he said nothing.  
He sat there and said *nothing*. And Avalanche just watched him, stupidly trying to figure   
out if he was trying to "..." them to death.  
            Bah.  I'm telling you, men.  
            I jumped out of the shadows, coming to Rude's rescue. All he was obviously going to  
do now was ruin everything.  
            "Sir!" I said crisply. "It's all right, Rude! I know you don't like speeches, so  
don't force it!" The words seemed silly and cheerful even to my own ears and I winced the  
moment they left my mouth, but they did the job. They distracted Avalanche. They weren't  
very professional rebels. Why were they sitting around chatting when they could easily  
force their way out of the cave, perhaps hijack our copter, and be gone with us?  
            Because they wanted information, I realized. And the best way to get them to stick  
around would be to give them the very information they craved.  
            "I'm the newest member of the Turks, Elena. Thanks to what you did to Reno, we're   
short some people," I continued rambling as the gears in my head turned.  What kind of   
information should I give the rebels? Definitely something about Sephiroth's movements...  
"Although, because of that, I got promoted to the Turks..." I put all my effort into the  
ditzy Turk act.  
            I could almost *feel* Rude rolling his eyes at me, but I ignored it. I was on a   
stage, I was the actress, and this was now my show to do what I pleased.  And I was   
determined to put on one hell of a show.  
            Give the rebels the information they're looking for...  
            "In any case, our job is to find out where Sephiroth is headed," I told them.  I  
could almost feel the triumphant looks that passed between them the moment the words escaped  
my mouth, and Rude's groan that accompanied it. I realized he thought I'd just stupidly  
slipped up... "And try and stop you on every step of the way." I added, just to barb the  
losers who'd called the Turks *kidnappers*.  
            Then I realized they might see a hole in my logic. That was *all* I needed.  
            "Wait a minute, it's the other way around... You're the ones that are getting in our  
way," I pretended to correct myself. This time I really did hear Rude groan behind me,  
but I also heard something else.  
            A footfall.  
            "Elena, you talk too much," Tseng's silky voice rang out, tense as hell.  He sounded  
pissed, pissed that we were still here and that we hadn't obeyed his orders, probably.  
And perhaps that I'd revealed some information to the rebels as well.  My stomach did a   
flip-flop at his displeasure; I wanted him to be proud of me.  But I couldn't abandon my stupid  
ditzy act now, not in front of Avalanche. Not if I wanted to use it again.  
            "Mr Tseng?" I squeaked, a little too high pitched and girlishly.  I know if Reno had  
been there he would have snickered, and thanked all the gods above that he wasn't.  Under  
Tseng's disapproving gaze I felt like a fool. I felt lower than dirt, and I wanted to run  
and hide and never come out.  
            It has always angered me that one man had the power to do that to me.  
            "No need to tell them our orders," he said sternly, and I knew that he was doing his  
best to reprimand me without Avalanche becoming all smug about it.  I felt my face grow hot;  
dammit, I'd thought all this out! It wasn't fair.  
            But life isn't fair, and sometimes you have to roll with the punches.  Rolling with  
the punches meant staying stupid, in this case, much as I wanted to just stand up and say  
'Tseng, you know what? I know exactly what I'm doing here so BUTT OUT.'  
            Plus he would have been displeased with me. And the idea of him being displeased  
with me almost made me want to cry. I'm such a pathetic creature.  
            "Sorry...Tseng..." I answered. To the common onlooker it probably looked as if I'd  
thought nothing of what was going on. That was what I was going for. Unfortunately, it   
fooled my allies as well.  
            "I thought I gave you other orders. Now go. Don't forget to file your report," Tseng  
snapped.  Oh yes, he was pissed.  Pissed that we hadn't continued on to Junon like he'd  
ordered.  Before now I hadn't thought it possible that Tseng would grow angry, but he did.  
And it was terrifying.  
            Of course, Avalanche couldn't even tell, but Rude and I could. There was ice in the  
air.  
            I LOVED him.  
            I realized that the moment his stern eyes bored into mine and I felt my heart fall  
down a bottomless chasm. I *loved* this cold, ruthless man. However had I gotten myself  
into this mess?  
            I was hopeless.  
            With a hope of salvaging the situation, I quickly answered him.  "Oh, right! Very  
well, Rude and I will go after Sephiroth, who's heading for Junon Harbor!"  There.  Now  
Tseng would know I understood his order.  
            A moment later I realized Avalanche was still around, listening to the repeat of  
our orders with very, very large ears, and I cursed in my head.  I started to act stupid and  
I *became* it sometimes, I swear. It was very irritating, and it had a habit of annoying  
the hell out of my superiors.  
            "...Elena, you don't seem to understand." Tseng's voice was ice.  
            Oh hell.  
            "Oh! I'm--I'm sorry," I stammered, shuffling off to go beside Rude, hoping his bulk  
would protect me from Tseng's daggered gaze.   
            "....Go. Don't let Sephiroth get away," Tseng ordered, turning heel and heading   
back down the tunnel he had appeared from. I wondered what the hell he was thinking, going  
back there like that, then realized he was probably getting a rein on his temper.  
            Tseng had a temper.  What a thought.  
            "Yes, sir!" Rude and I both answered in unison, and as quickly and calmly as we  
could, tromped to the entrance, hopped in the copter, and told the pilot that we needed to  
get to Junon Harbor.  
            I felt like I wanted to die.  
            ...to be continued...  
  
            (in the next chapter) Kate's obsession, Rufus Shinra, finally comes in!  And I can't  
wait to write him XD. Elena reaches Junon, talks to Rude, feels more embarassed, and   
enjoys the welcoming ceremony.  
            R&R and I will love you forever ^_^;;;. 


	4. Chapter 4

My Own Chapter 4  
by Kate/Kaeda (kaeda@water-witch.net)  
Pairing: Elena pining after Tseng O.o  
Rating: PG-13  
   
Finally finished this one.  I've actually had it done for about a month *hangs head* but I  
was too lazy to post it.  Blah.  So now I am, and all you people who are looking forward to  
chapter 4 can read it :D.  Thank you all who left the lovely reviews; they were really what  
finally got me un-lazy and writing again -.-;.  
  
I must admit I have no idea where this is going.  But thanks to all of you who are following  
it.  We can find that out together ^^;.  
   
Disclaimer in chapter 1. ^^;;  
   
----Chapter 4----  
  
            The first day my heart was far away from my body was the most horrible, mind   
wrenching day I could have ever possibly imagined.  I got in that helicopter with Rude,   
embarrassed beyond belief at my stupidity in handling the Tseng situation, the Avalanche  
situation, and my heart followed Tseng far away, to wherever his business took him (I still  
don't know where he went after we left the mines, but I believe it was back to Midgar).   
And it ached.  
            Rude was watching me as I seated myself in the back of the helicopter.  
            "What you did back there was not only stupid, but put the rest of us and our very  
mission in danger," he said as soon as we'd taken off.  
            I swear that's the most I've ever heard him say.  
            I felt so silly at that moment; I had thought that I was saving the day, and instead  
I had ruined *everything*.  Tseng hated me.  Rude thought I was a bad Turk.  And all   
because my allies couldn't tell when I was acting.  Looking Rude straight in the sunglasses,  
I tried to look serious and smart and professional, but that look doesn't come naturally to  
me.  He just raised an eyebrow at me.  
            Did he think I was just a little girl trying to play Turk?  
            "Learn to keep from loosing your tongue," he snapped.  I felt my face flame hot  
again and snarled in my seat, but the bulk of a man didn't turn around.  I had not "loosened  
my tongue", I had been strategically giving the rebels the information they wanted to keep  
them talking and allow Tseng time to get there.  
            "It was an ACT, Rude," I snapped.  He didn't move.  "I'm NOT that stupid, I *knew*  
what I was doing."    
            "Did you," he commented, not in a question, before picking the PHS up and dialing  
it.  Feeling utterly rejected by my colleague, I slipped into the corner of the 'copter and  
didn't even bother to listen to his conversation.  I looked out the window, watching the  
lands between the mines and Junon fly by.  Such a short flight.  I wallowed in my own  
misery, my eyes dancing with the blues and greens of our planet, the tears threatening to  
fall, but I would not let them.  
            I was a Turk.  Turks do not cry.  But on an odd level, Rude's rejection almost hurt  
more than Tseng's, more because I expected him to understand once I explained, and I didn't  
expect him to be so gruff with me.  He and Reno had been my companions for the past two   
weeks; I hadn't expected him to turn on me.  
            The helicopter began to descend and I peered out the window again, wiping my eyes  
with my sleeve.  There was Junon; the city that looked like a giant cannon overlooking the  
ocean.  We passed over my parent's suburb and the other signs of life outside Junon and   
landed directly in the main street.  
            I took my sorrow and placed in another time, stood up, smoothed my suit, and put a  
smile on my face.  It was time to be professional.  It was time to be a Turk again.  
            After all, I was going to be protecting my hometown.  
            We loaded into a vehicle and raced towards where the president was staying.  
  
            Once, when I was in the Shinra military corps and on leave, I actually went home to  
see my parents.  Don't get me wrong; I love them to bits, but I mostly stayed in Midgar   
when I was on leave.  I went home, and my parents welcomed me with open arms.  
            But something was different.  
            I found out what, later.  My father had been one of the first ones who'd heard the   
rumours that one of the best soldiers was being promoted to a Turk.  A female soldier.  And  
he and my mother had guessed that it was me.  
            My mother had come to my room that night, hair loose like an angel, looking meek,   
mild, and womanly; three things I would never be.  She sat on the edge of my bed and I put   
down the reports I'd been reading, staring straight into her identical mahogany eyes.  
            "Why did you join Shinra?" she asked.  This was not a question I had been expecting,  
and I had nearly fallen off the bed in shock before pondering an answer.  
            "Dad works there," I answered sullenly, not sure what she wanted.  
            "Not like you do," she replied, eyes narrowed but more concerned than disapproving.  
No ma'am.  Not like I do.  
            "Dad makes a better worker.  I make a better soldier.  I've always been a tomboy,  
and we're loyal to the company.  It makes sense that I would join their military when I got  
old enough," I told her crisply, my military training getting in the way of my better  
judgement.  My mother only sighed.  
            "Do you...do you kill?" she asked, looking horrified.  
            I suddenly found my fingernails very interesting as I remembered why I didn't go  
home on leave.  But she wasn't going to drop it.  "Do you?"  
            "I am a soldier," I replied as calmly as I could, although my voice was trembling.  
"I don't enjoy blood."  
            "But you do.  I see it in your eyes," she whispered, pulling my chin up and staring  
into my brown orbs.  I shivered, even though it was sweltering in Junon at that time of  
year.  
            "I do what I have to," I answered, voice wobbling but keeping my head firm and  
held high.  She shook her head, and I saw the tears slipping their way down her cheeks.  She  
was crying, for me.  
            "They have killed your soul," she wept.  "They took away everything that was Elena  
and sent us back a monster."  My heart tightened.  I wanted to hug her, to make everything  
okay, to be her little girl again.  
            But I didn't.  
            "I didn't have a soul to kill," I said without emotion.  "I lost it long ago."  
            Turks are soulless, I learned later.  To have a soul and be a Turk...it would  
tear anyone apart from the inside.  
            I had lied.  
            I didn't lose my soul until it was too late.  
  
            Rude snapped me out of my reminiscing with a brisk shake to my shoulder.  I looked  
around and we had arrived at a tall brick building with ivy climbing over it, so out of  
place in technologically advanced Junon that I almost wanted to laugh.  It looked more like  
it belonged in my parents' neighborhood than anywhere.  
            He opened the door to the car we were in and quickly stepped out, thanking the   
driver (a pathetically paid Shinra chauffeur) and gesturing for me to get out as well.  I  
complied, getting out and crossing the empty street.  
            Where in all holy hell were we?  
            "President Rufus is staying here," Rude said gruffly.  There was nothing out of the  
ordinary about the house; in fact, it almost looked *too* normal.  Too trying to blend in.  
            "Where are we?" I asked.  Rude favoured me with a rather icy glare and knocked  
firmly on the door.  It opened immediately and a man poked his head out, blue eyed with hair  
orange as a setting sun.  I immediately assumed he was a Shinra soldier.  
            "We're the Turks here for Pres--" I started, but Rude grabbed me and shoved me  
behind him, then bowed slightly.  I blinked, flustered.  
            "Sir, we're here to assist you until the ceremony," he said.  I immediately grasped   
his meaning.  THAT was President Rufus Shinra?  I mean, he was gorgeous, and we could only  
see his head poking out of the door, but somehow I'd expected him to have ten zillion guards  
and be wearing a crown or something.  Not...normal.  
            He opened the door at let us in.  We entered silently, and I marveled at the house.  
It was enormous and the opening hall was made of marble and elegantly carved statues.  Rufus  
stood in the center of it all, and I suddenly could see how he was the President of Shinra.  
He was at home in this, in the magnificence and the wonder that came with power.  It   
radiated out from him, from the cold calculating look in his blue eyes to the casual and  
vain way he brushed his bangs out of his face.  
            He was captivating and terrifying.  
            "Rude," he said in a commanding voice.  "And the rookie.  Eliza?"  
            "Elena," I answered, meeting his gaze squarely and refusing to look away.  A moment  
went by and then he smiled.  I think had I not had Tseng and had he not seemed so...  
godlike...I would have already been half in love with the man.  But to my utter relief, I  
wasn't.  
            "Well met, Turk Elena," was his answer as he turned and headed up the wooden stairs  
that maintained an elegance of their own.  "I'll be upstairs, and I'll need one of you with  
me.  My welcoming ceremony is in three days.  If you fail to protect me in any way, you're  
fired."  I blinked.  Well then.  
            "If we fail to protect you in any way, you'll be dead," I muttered after him darkly  
as Rude started up the stairs.  
            "Guard the door, Elena," he commanded.  
            "Why's he alone in this huge old house?" I demanded.  He was the president.  Why  
didn't he have hordes of Shinra guards swarming to protect him?  Where were the servants,  
the soldiers, the social butterflies who hung around him?  
            Why was Rufus Shinra all alone when he could be surrounded by every important  
person on the planet?  
            "He's keeping a low profile," Rude answered before disappearing from sight.  I   
rolled my eyes in exasperation.  What if some assassin had found him and come and killed   
him off before we got there?  Like that spiky haired loser from AVALANCHE.  The president  
wasn't invincible, no matter he wanted the rest of the world to think otherwise.  His old  
man had died, and he could too.  
            I stopped the traitorous thoughts before they began to flow in earnest and seated  
myself in a nicely padded couch by the door and prepared myself for a long, boring day of  
guard duty...  
              
            Tseng and I were walking a garden of ivy which smelled vaguely of peppermint.  It   
was twilight and the mist rolled in the air around us.  He was dressed simply in a polo  
shirt and slacks, and I in the same.  It was as if I was in a trance.  
            He turned under a bush of holly and I blushed as his deep chocolate eyes stared  
straight into my own.  He traced my jaw line with one elegant hand and I felt my stomach  
flutter wildly.  
            "Elena..." he whispered.  My name was like a caress.  
            "Do you love me?" I asked, cursing my foolishness the moment the words slipped past  
my lips.  He had never even alluded to any such thing.  But he merely smiled, a smirking,   
elegant smile, and smoothed my hair.  
            "Of course," he murmured in reply and I felt myself blushing.  He leaned down to  
kiss me and my mind registered that he was extremely out of character, but I didn't care.  
Just as his warm lips were about to meet mine, Reno came crashing out of the holly bush and  
jumped on us.  
            "Tseng!" he growled.  I blinked and stepped back, staring at his mussed red hair  
and noticing that his mako green eyes were angry.  What the...?  "You're playing with her,"  
he accused.  
            "No..." I whispered.  
            "I am not," Tseng replied firmly.  I wanted to believe him so desperately, but with  
Reno there looking pissed off and Tseng flushed and looking slightly...guilty?...I didn't  
know what to do.  
            "Yeah that's what you said to me, too," Reno snapped, taking my hand.  "Come on,  
Elena.  We can do fine without him."  He dragged me off through the garden and the trees  
wilted away, the leaves turned black and decayed, and the smell of peppermint turned to a  
stench of all the awful things in the world...  
            And when we were far away, I turned to Reno and stared at him, hating him for   
ruining my moment, hating him so much I wanted to die.  
            And then I woke up.  
  
            I stared at Rufus's ornamented paneling of his hall and thought back on my dream.  
What the hell had that been?  A premonition of the future, a hidden malice against Reno  
revealed?  What?  
            As the cold feel of the room slowly came back to me I realized it was none of those  
things; it was a subconscious need to find fault in my unadulterating hero-worship of Tseng.  
To see him as an imperfect creature; it was so what I needed, and yet so not what I wanted  
to see at all.  I loved the man in every way.  
            No.  That is not true at all.  
            I loved the Tseng who lived in my head.  The idea of Tseng.  Not Tseng himself.  For  
the real Tseng was a person that I hardly knew; a person I would never get to know really  
well until after his death.  
            It is sad how the future works...  
            Rude and Rufus came downstairs an hour or so later, both looking disgruntled and  
out of sorts.  
            "It's dangerous," Rude was saying in his usual firm, gruff way.  "You can't be seen  
in Junon quite yet; it will give people a chance to follow you back."  Rufus had a stubborn  
look in his blue eyes and I realized with a start that not only was he loaded, powerful,  
and gorgeous...he was younger than I as well.  A rather startling revelation.  
            "I need my materia, Turk," he snapped in a snobbish rich-kid attitude.  I was rather  
puzzled; what had happened to his materia?  What did he need?  Couldn't I get it?  
            "What do you need, sir?" I asked.  Rude glared rather coldly at me (I couldn't   
believe how long he didn't trust me after the mines incident!) but let Rufus answer, waiting  
patiently on the stairway.  
            "I need to purchase some Restore materia and some Time materia as well," he told me  
in his best 'I'm important and you're not' impression.  Well, I could get it for him,   
couldn't I?  He ran his fingers through his bangs and looked at me.  "Are you offering to   
get them for me?" I blinked.  Was I?  
            I knew Junon like the back of my hand.  The streets were familiar, I had grown up  
there after all.  I knew where to get the cheapest materia, the best deals, and the most  
reliable shopkeepers...most who knew me all by name.  Yes, if there was anyone Rufus Shinra  
had to send to get materia in Junon, it would be me.  
            "I can pick up any other supplies as well," I replied.  But Rufus just smiled a bit  
and shook his head.  
            "Materia's all, Eleda," he answered.  He turned around and went back up the stairs,  
Rude following looking rather put out.  
            "Elena," I whispered after him, but the air swirled around my name and took it away,  
back into the woodwork where I felt I belonged.  Damn Rufus.  Damn Rude.  I missed Tseng  
like a hand had reached into my heart and squeezed, and they were completely unsympathetic  
to my plight.  
            Men.  
  
            Junon.  God I love that city.  It's the only city in the world that has the smell of  
the fresh food right on the street, of baked bread and fried dough from venders, with a   
haze of Mako around like an ethereal glow.  Certainly a military town, but converted into a  
rather nice city with suburbs and kids in the street, dogs and nightclubs and basketball  
courts.  Seedy establishments side by side with your everyday family restaurant.  
            Gotta love what Shinra does to a place.  
            I grabbed a cab to Junon from wherever Rufus was staying (and wondered immediately  
how I would get back there, so I took down the house number and the street it was on and  
hoped a cabby would be able to get me there), dressed discreetly in normal summer clothes  
for Junon on a hot day.  Once I was on the main street of the city I asked to be let out  
and looked around.  
            The city had changed.  The vast military presence that had taken root here had   
gradually changed the city I had loved into a glamourous base, but of course I didn't   
realize it at the time.  I saw some differences, but for the most part it appeared to be  
the same...  
            I ran through materia shops in my head, rejecting many as soon as they came to mind.  
A lot of them were dishonest, especially to tourists and those who weren't familiar with  
the shrewd way of business in Junon.  I finally settled on a name that I thought wouldn't  
rip me off too badly.  My parents had purchased the little materia they owned at the store  
and the owner was an elderly chap who drank a lot and had enjoyed a few dishonest pleasures  
in his time, but he had always been kind to me.  
            Finally deciding my course of action, I turned on heel and headed towards Crucian's  
Materia Emporium.  
            As I entered, a little bell above the door signaled my arrival.  A boy in a faded  
green hat looked up from dusting the counters and eyed me suspiciously.  I was surprised; I  
was dressed like any normal Junon woman.  From the look he was giving me, I had 'hired  
assassin' written all over me.  In bright pink pen.  
            He turned and scurried into the back storeroom, yelling "'ere's a cust'mer!" loudly.  
I marched up to the counter and peered at the brightly sparkling orbs beneath the glass.  
The materia wasn't terribly exotic; mostly Restore and the elements.  The rarer materia  
would be in the back.  My parents had bought a few helpful bits of materia for my father's  
work and my mother's garden here.  Finally, a balding little fat man wearing a knitted brown  
coat that was way out of fashion appeared in the door and broke out in a grin when he saw  
me.  It was Crucian.  
            "Elena!" he said with a smile.  "You're not so little anymore, ain't ye?"  I grinned  
back, pleased to see a familiar face.  "Your parents said ye'd gone off to join the Shinra.  
Come back to see all the little people?" he asked with a grin.  I put on my most  
professional face.  
            "Actually, I'm here to buy materia."  He blinked and pulled out a tray from behind  
the counter, still smiling in a jolly sort of way that reminded me of an overly giddy Santa  
Claus.  I peered at the iridescent orbs, trying to seem uncommitted and picky but I got the  
feeling the only feeling I managed to pass on was the sharp edge of incompetence.  And I   
hated passing on that feeling.  
            I picked up a globe of Restore materia.  
            "That's the leading brand of Restore materia.  It levels with 24 AP less than your  
average store-bought Restore.  The Regen lasts longer as well, and once you've gained Cure3,  
you can cure anything from a deadly wound to a head-cold.  Provided your target isn't dead,  
of course."  I smiled.  Either he was pulling my leg, or someone had found a way to   
manipulate the very Mako make-up of materia itself, which I knew wasn't possible.  But I   
needed Restore, so I smiled and nodded anyway.  
            I peered at the rest of his wares.  
            "Do you have Time materia?" I asked.  He gave me a look that tigers tend to give   
their prey and I realized even someone who had known me a child was going to charge me an  
arm and a leg for a materia that one could find lying around for free.  If one went   
adventuring, that is.  But frankly, I didn't have the time to go out and hunt around for a  
spare piece of Time and Rufus expected me back, so I decided to act instead.  
            "Yes we do," he answered, heading for the back.  He came back out a moment later  
with a Time, which he put next to my Restore.  "This Time materia is high quality.  It   
efficiently stops victims 9 times out of 10, and is 80% satisfaction guaranteed, which is   
10% better than the leading brand--" I waved him silent with my hand.  
            "How much?"  
            "Well that's quite a question.  For such high quality Restore, and then Time as   
well...I think perhaps 10,000 gil for the two."  I blanched.  That was so outrageous a price  
it didn't even deserve a blink.  
            Time to become a ditz, my mind told me.  
            "Oh...well...oh no..." I said, acting distressed and trying to get a pink flush to  
my cheeks.  I wanted to make my eyes well up with tears, but I was afraid I couldn't act  
that well.  
            "What's wrong, little Elena?" he asked, looking disturbed.  
            "I only have 6000 gil. We Shinra soldiers make NOTHING nowadays."  
            He looked skeptical.  I sniffled.  
            I left the shop with the contented knowledge that I had saved Rufus Shinra 4000 gil  
and a very heavy pocket that contained two pieces of materia that were supposedly "above  
their kind".  
  
            I got back to find Reno insolently lounging in a chair in the president's front  
hall.  
            "I thought you weren't coming!" I squeaked, for I had hoped that I wouldn't see him  
for another week or so.  Especially after the weird dream I had had.  He grinned, a grin  
that seemed to fit a lion more than a man, and just stretched himself out on the couch he  
was lying on.  
            "Tseng said you two needed some "assistance" because you were such a "rookie"."  He  
punctuated the words to add further insult to injury and I glared at him, even though he  
and I had established a coexistence that had kept things peaceful while we'd worked together  
at Shinra.  There were some things about him that just pushed on my nerves every once in  
awhile.  
            And there was something else.  
            And Tseng had called me a rookie?  Anger flared briefly, but quickly was replaced   
with...hurt.  
            Rufus and Rude descended the stairs, self-importance radiating from the president,   
but it almost seemed out of place as he flipped his blond bangs out of his eyes and   
studied us with a curious air.  
            He raised an eyebrow at me.  I squeaked and deposited the materia in his hand,   
stammering something about how I saved him 4000 gil, but I don't think he heard me.  He  
turned wordlessly and reclimbed the stairs, Rude following behind like a silent shadow.  
            I turned and looked at Reno and a peculiar feeling came over me.  At the time I had  
had no idea what it was.  And when I found it, found the definition, the true source of my  
troubles, it had all come to naught.  But that comes later.  
            Yes...that comes later...  
            ...to be continued...  
   
            (in the next chapter) finally the welcoming ceremony occurs (I tend to drag things  
out) and more Reno issues occur.  As well as a run-in with Cloud and company! :O  And more  
Rufus. *obsesses* XD  
            R&R and I will love you forever ^_^;;;. 


	5. Chapter 5

My Own Chapter 5   
by Kate/Kaeda (kaeda@water-witch.net)   
Pairing: Elena pining after Tseng O.o   
Rating: PG-13   
    
Disclaimer in chapter 1. ^^;;   
  
Notes for this chapter:  thanks to all of you lovely people who reviewed!  I love you all   
:D. Despite the seeming leaning towards pairings in this chapter, there still aren't any   
besides Tseng/Elena, and I really don't know where this is going. Last chapter it was   
screaming at me to become a Reno/Elena, but this chapter it kind of lost it. *sigh* So...   
yeah. I guess I'll just go where it takes me, eh? ^^;;   
    
----Chapter 5----   
  
            When I was a small girl, I always believed that strength came wrapped up in little   
boxes, parceled out to those worthy of it.  As I grew up I realized the folly of my thinking   
and my outlook on life changed.  Courage and strength came from within.  I had always had   
small amounts of both, but suddenly I found myself faced with utter weakness and cowardess,   
and I despaired.   
            Why was my world suddenly spinning out of control?   
            I was in love with Tseng, right? It was the only semblance of normalcy my life   
sustained anymore.  The rest had blown away like paper doves, into the unknown abyss that   
made up the world that I didn't know about.  I was lost, I was floundering, and Tseng was my   
lifeline.   
            So I clung. I attached myself and clung like there was no tomorrow, and the memory,   
the made up Tseng in my head, comforted me and blinded me so much I could not see truth   
when it was sniffing right in front of my nose.   
            But aren't we all like that in the end?   
  
            Rufus' welcoming ceremony was in a day and the rest of us were rushing around to get   
ready for it, probably resembling ants fussing over their queen. I spent most of my long   
working hours in the armoury, a small room at the end of the basement corridor in Rufus'   
colossal house. I can't remember exactly what I did there; I sorted weaponry for the   
upcoming parade, looking for inadequacies, I believe.  What I do remember more than anything   
else is the fact that my mind wandered far away during those times.   
            "Elena."  I looked up from the gun I was cleaning and disarming to see Tseng   
standing in the corner, beside a box of cure materia and a rack loaded with rifles of all   
shapes and sizes.   
            "Sir!" I snapped to attention immediately, crisp and tall despite being stiff from   
sitting among the boxes for so long.  He'd just stood there, a small smile on his face,   
until I grew suspicious and crept to where he stood.  I went to touch him, and grasped only   
shadows.   
            'Rookie.'   
            It rang in my mind.   
            "Tseng said you two needed some "assistance" because you were such a "rookie"."   
            Damn Reno. I slammed my fist into a cardboard box, sending its contents flying   
against the wall, a rain of mako power packs and ammunition falling around me, like heralds   
of destruction, but I didn't care in the least.  I should have seen then, what it was doing   
to me. As I sat among the tattered remains of what was once a healthy box, the air tinged   
with the scent of gunpowder, I should have taken the omen for what it was. But I was never   
very good at catching symbolism, and though there are no coincidences in life, sometimes it   
takes awhile for human beings to realize that.   
            That last night was the longest of all. I had finally retreated from my self-   
imposed exile and climbed the steep stairs to find the house teeming with Shinra troops of   
all ages, dressed in blues and reds and altogether quite sickening with the way they'd "sir"   
and "Mr President!" in their voices that sounded vaguely like mice chattering.   
            The house had been so much more peaceful when just us.   
            Reno and Rude lugged the useable weapons from the basement room, two boxes at a   
time, and I watched but didn't offer to help.  Nor did they ask me to help, as they loaded   
the boxes into the back of a cargo truck the same colour as the President's hair.   
            The house slowly grew more silent as the soldiers finished paying their respects to   
Rufus Shinra and returned to their barracks for the night. Soon it was once again only the   
three of us and the President, and the silence threatened to overwhelm us. It was then that   
I fled out the back door, into a garden I didn't even know was there, filled with fountains   
and silver flowers that shined like materia when touched.   
            My mind seems to like gardens a lot, I've found.  They are often the setting for   
most of my romantic fantasies, despite the fact that I am not a delicate woman and I tend   
to step on flowers as opposed to stepping -around- them. But sometimes things that aren't   
meant to be romantic occur in dream settings, and sometimes, later on, you realize why...   
            I was sitting on a bench of white stone, watching the stars twinkle above us,   
remembering my discussion with Tseng about the nature of those luminescent orbs when I heard   
a footfall behind me.  With my back to the main house, sitting cross legged, I felt   
extremely vulnerable, and my instincts clamoured at me to grab my gun, a weapon, anything,   
and turn around and defend myself.   
            I reached inside my jacket pocket without being obvious about it.   
            No gun.   
            I felt wind, heard movement, and sprung into action all at once, jumping to my feet,   
into the air, and twisting so that I was behind whoever it was.   
            He was masked, but locks of silver hair spilled out, and through the eye holes I   
could see two mako-green eyes, slit like a cat's.   
            What is the point of a mask when such tell-tale features slip past them?  I knew   
immediately who it was and had a sinking feeling that I would not live beyond my revelation.   
Perhaps that's why the greatest general Shinra had ever seen hadn't cared about truly   
masking himself.   
            He was here to kill Rufus, I realized with belated alarm.  He'd snuck over the   
garden wall, which I'd just noticed, brick and tall, but undaunting to a figure such as the   
one before me. I dared not yell, although in retrospect, it would have been the smartest   
thing I could have done.  Had I been able to warn those in the house, they might have been   
able to get Rufus out while Sephiroth was dealing with me.   
            Instead I stared into those green eyes and saw death and insanity.  They were   
glaciers of frigid cold, engulfing me, slitting in curiosity.   
            "A new Turk." The voice was dark, velvet, almost a purr, yet nothing like I'd   
imagined. I always assumed that Sephiroth would talk like a snake; his name sounded like   
he should hiss, slither.  Not like he played poker and charmed girls for a living.   
            Not normal.   
            "My name is Elena." There were no masks this time. I pulled out the real me I kept   
stuffed in a box in the back of my head somewhere and stood eye to eye with Sephiroth. It   
was ridiculous.   
            "You're steel," he said, seeming surprised.  Steel. I'd never hurt such a word used   
to describe me before; usually it was ditzy, irresponsible, not dependable. Silly, foolish.   
But steel? My eyes flickered, grew hard, and I drew strength from an inner core I didn't   
even know existed.   
            As Sephiroth drew his slender sword, the infamous masamune, I realized two things.   
Phantom Tsengs were not going to save me when Sephiroth thrust the masamune through my   
heart, and dying on Sephiroth's sword was one of the most honourable ways I could think of   
to go.   
            I have never stared death in the face like I did that night.  I stood there,   
watching moonlight glint off the blade, knowing I was going to die, and my mind entered a   
sort of blissful state that scared the hell out of me.   
            Suddenly there was an explosion, a shout, and I blinked, my mind going back into   
motion and working overtime to catch up.  As my eyes opened and I scanned the smoke filled   
garden, I noted belatedly that Sephiroth was gone.   
            "Are you a damn fool?!" Reno yelled as he came up beside me.  "Just standing there   
with an intruder with a sword drawn staring back at you! He could have killed ALL of us,   
Elena!" I blinked.   
            Reno didn't know it was Sephiroth.   
            And I was steel.   
            I turned, faced him, looked him straight in the eyes.  Also mako green and glowing,   
but oh so different from the eyes I'd stared into just moments before. His were human, and   
held some semblance of warmth inside their dusky gaze.  And at that moment, warmth and   
humanity was all I needed, and they came at me in a flood that overloaded my soul.   
            Tears filled my eyes and before I knew it, I folded on top of his thin frame and he   
caught me as the world seemed to swim with colour and darkness.   
            "Elena?" he now seemed concerned. Too late for that, I thought. He should have   
been concerned the moment he saw me standing there, about to be killed, not when I was about   
to faint afterwards.   
            "Seph...iroth..." I murmured instead. "That was...Sephiroth..." I think I fainted   
then. I can't say, because blackness overtook me and then there was bliss.   
  
            The first thing I heard was music.   
            Abysmally HORRIBLE music. My hand groped for my gun on my beside table, hit steel,   
and clasped the handle.  Whatever was making that noise, I was going to find it and shoot   
it until it'd think twice about messing with me.   
            Green.   
            My eyes shot open all at once and I noted I was reaching across from the couch to   
grab the handle of a frying pan that had been, for some reason, sitting randomly on the   
coffee table, and in my surprise I fell between the two pieces of furniture and obtained   
more bruises from that then facing Sephiroth the night before.   
            Elena, great Turk, destroyed by furniture.   
            Wonderful.   
            I stood up, still holding the frying pan, when the door swung open and Reno walked   
in lugging a huge sword.  Today was obviously the day for randomness, my sleepy mind thought   
with chagrin.   
            "Wow, 'Lena, you look about ready to beat the shit out of someone with that frying   
pan there," Reno remarked smugly as he stopped in his sword dragging to regard me.   
            "It'll be whoever's playing that...music..." I growled.  He laughed and tossed the   
sword into a nearby closet, where it fell with a thud and a cloud of dust floated out from   
the door. "Uh, Reno? What's with the sword?"   
            He shrugged. "It was in the garden. We think Sephiroth left it behind, but since   
it's not the masamune, we're just gonna stick it in a closet until the ceremony's over.   
It's got some weird runes on it, and the funniest part is, it's made of this really really   
tough steel that we've never seen before."   
            Steel.  Sephiroth thought I was steel.   
            The sword was meant for me. It came to me in a rush, but I also knew it was one   
gift I would never claim.  I did not want to acknowledge the primitive sort of understanding   
that had come between Sephiroth and I in the garden the night before. Why someone like   
that would leave someone like me a sword was beyond my comprehension, but it made more sense   
than him just leaving it randomly.   
            At that moment, my mind came to the conclusion that All Men Except Tseng Are Stupid,   
and I, being very pleased with this thought, gave Reno a half-disgusted look before exiting   
the room and descending the stairs into the main hall where Rufus Shinra stood, decked out   
in his white robes of glory, ready for his parade.   
            Rude walked into the room holding a chicken by the neck, and at that moment I   
decided that the world was hopeless and that I was going back to bed, and I didn't want to   
hear what Rude's logical explanation was.  Annoying music, a frying pan (which I was still   
holding), a giant-ass sword, and a dead chicken all in one day was a little too much for me   
to handle.   
            Unfortunately, Reno was now blocking the door to my sanctuary, so I glowered at him   
and, noting he was snickering, looked down at what I was wearing, which was a very flimsy   
white shift that was rather drafty.   
            Well Rude looked appreciative, and Rufus seemed to not notice...   
            My face heated, I'm sure I turned as red as a summon materia, and I brandished my   
frying pan at the three of them.   
            "Shut that racket up and get me my damn suit."   
            This had the makings of a bad day...   
  
            We dropped Rufus off at the starting point of the parade and Rude with him, but we   
all assumed with all the soldiers around, there wasn't much that could get to the president   
barring Sephiroth, who'd already had his chance and wasn't likely to try again until after   
the ceremony. That left Reno and I alone in the cab that was speeding along the streets of   
Junon.   
            "We're going to a bar," Reno told me.  "You need to get good and plastered, girl.   
Especially after last night."  I was rather insulted, but I took it in stride.  I wasn't   
about to object, especially if Reno was paying.   
            But, a bar?  How tasteless.   
            Tseng would never take me to a -bar-, of all places.   
            It was funny. That was the first time I'd really thought of Tseng since sitting on   
my bum in the armoury with nothing better to do, and I wondered if that meant I wasn't so   
much in love with him as I thought.   
            I shrugged that thought away.   
            The cab stopped and Reno and I got out. I scanned the bar, filled with fluorescent   
blinking blue lights and relatively empty of customers.  He gestured for me to sit at the   
counter, which I did, on a padded bar stool of blue plastic, and Reno went off to search for   
the bartender, whom I saw neither hide nor hair of.    
            'Rookie.'  In Tseng's voice, smooth and calm, yet truthful, like daggers piercing my   
soul. I was the rookie. I was the inexperienced one, the one who had too much conscience,   
the Turk with a soul.  The idiot.   
            'Steel.'  Another source altogether.  Sephiroth had seen the real me in those   
fleeting moments, had judged me from there, and somehow I weighted it more than Tseng's   
opinion, no matter how much his hurt.  Was I inexperienced, stupid, and shallow? Or was I   
strong and resilient, like the sword gathering dust in Rufus' closet?   
            Both visions were waved away by Reno appearing in front of me with two large mugs of   
beer in his hand, and proceeding to guzzle his down like there was no tomorrow, but I didn't   
have the heart to drink.  I took a few sips to satisfy him, felt warmth hit my belly, and   
tried to act more relaxed so Reno wouldn't force more alcohol on me.   
            "Elena...are you sure it was Sephiroth?"   
            Oh, so now he didn't trust me, either.   
            I slowly turned towards Reno, giving him a Look.  The Elena Look, the patented "what   
do you think I am, stupid?" look that makes people stop in their tracks and rethink their   
whole opinion on me.   
            "Of course."   
            He was silent for awhile, obviously mulling over the implications of my answer as   
well as what he'd read in my eyes, before laughing and slamming his mug onto the cold stone   
of the counter.   
            "Shit, Elena, you're such an enigma. One moment I think I understand exactly who   
you are, and then you pull a stunt like last night, or you look like you've seen a thousand   
personal hells, and suddenly I don't know anymore."   
            A -stunt-?   
            "What do you mean?" I asked coldly.  There was no need for my mask in front of Reno,   
and I dropped it as soon as we got out of sight of most normal people. Rude was the same   
way, but I didn't have the same comfort level with the bulky Turk.   
            "At first glance, you're such a bimbo.  There's nothing between your ears but air,   
and you can giggle and bat your eyelashes to do any ditz proud. You immediately picked the   
handsomest out of all of us and began your chase, determined to catch him. That's how Tseng   
sees you."   
            My world had begun to crack, just a little bit, but Reno wasn't done.   
            "Then, you open up to those you feel closer to.  There's more to you than oxygen,   
you have thoughts just like anyone else, and you can be menacing and destructive like the   
best of us. You -aren't- weak, but you like people to think so."   
            The bartender refilled Reno's drink, and I began to wonder if the alcohol in his   
blood was making him be so eloquent, when usually he just satisfied himself with being a   
pain in the ass.   
            "I don't know if I want to work with someone when I'm not sure how they'll react to   
certain situations," he said slowly.  "I KNOW you're a rookie, but there's so much more to   
this than that.  Sometimes I think if you ran into a real enemy you'd break down and cry   
until one of us saved us.  And sometimes I think you'd gut whoever it was, and strangle them   
with their own entrails."             
            "Bad visual," I muttered. He grinned, downed the next mug of beer, and continued.   
            "Are you a fighter or a little girl, Elena?" he asked.  "Because this isn't make   
believe, and these aren't dolls.  Go home to your domestic tranquility if you want it, but   
if you continue to play Turk, you're going to piss Tseng off, and that's not a smart thing   
to do."   
            I listened to this for awhile, pondered what he was saying.  But suddenly, a deep   
anger coursed through my soul.  Reno had pinpointed my personality, but not quite so well as   
I'd hoped people would see.  Why did no one see the real me?   
            I stood up, shoved the barstool back, and leveled Reno with a look that could have   
frozen fire.   
            "Reno.  I am not a little girl.  I can kill, I can murder," I spat the distasteful   
word, "I can kidnap, destroy.  My hands are stained with more blood than most people see in   
a lifetime. What do I have to do, Reno? Do I have to wipe the blood into patterns over   
your scars before you see what's right in front of you?" I was yelling, but I didn't care.   
There was only the bartender to hear.  "I may not be silent and imposing like Rude, or   
deadly and nimble like you, but I can hold my own, and I didn't become a Turk by crying   
every time an enemy came along.  I bested you two out of three, if you remember correctly."   
I sunk back onto my stool, spent, and Reno regarded me with a sort of curiosity.   
            "Why don't you act like this all the time?" he asked finally.  "You'd have a much   
better chance of winning Tseng if you didn't act like sugar and spice so much."   
            Bitterly.  "He likes that Aeris girl.  If anyone's sugar and spice, it's her." Reno   
sighed.   
            The parade began outside, but I didn't really feel much like smiling.   
              
            Two hours later, we were still sitting there, Reno nearly falling down drunk and   
myself still on my first glass.  I had already gone through mulling about Tseng, Sephiroth,   
and my job, and was currently pondering how bored I was. Reno had lost coherency for   
anything except what interested him an hour before and I was thoroughly disgusted.   
            A soldier walked in. I turned to glance at him, and was honestly astonished at   
seeing the porcupine-haired little punk from the Mythril Mines, Cloud Strife. In a Shinra   
uniform, of all clothing.  He regarded us curiously, then walked up to the bartender.   
            "Hey soldier boy, aren't you still on duty?" the bartender asked him.  Cloud   
shrugged but said nothing; I wondered if he was afraid that his voice would give him away.   
The boy had totally noticeable hair, almost as bad as Sephiroth, so I didn't see much point   
to this, but I decided whatever floated his boat was fine with me.   
            Reno decided now would be a good time to brag to the random soldier who he probably   
couldn't see very clearly.   
            "The President's safety is secure because we're here!" he declared, and I rolled   
my eyes.   
            As Strife turned to go, I murmured my own response to his untimely visit.  "The   
moment you think the job's boring, you guys start messing around." He seemed startled and   
dashed out of there as quickly as he could.   
            I smirked, and finished off my beer, then set myself to the task of dragging Reno   
out of the bar. It was probably about time for us to report back at the Shinra house.   


            ...to be continued...   
    
            (in the next chapter) meeting back with Tseng, returning to Midgar, and new orders.   
definitely more Elena angst, and perhaps more action as well :D.   
            R&R and I will love you forever ^_^;;;.  



	6. Chapter 6

My Own Chapter 6  
by Kate/Kaeda (kaeda@water-witch.net)  
Pairing: Elena/Tseng, Elena/Reno, more coming ^_-  
Rating: PG-13  
   
Disclaimer in chapter 1. ^^;;  
  
   
----Chapter 6----  
  
            Is there such a thing as love at first sight?  I thought so.  I saw Tseng, and I   
loved him.  There was no truth in the universe more profound to me than the thought that my  
love for Tseng was pure, unadulterated, and condoned by the Powers That Be of the universe.  
For love at first sight must always be true.  
            In the early predawn light of a crisp autumn morning we flew back into Midgar via  
helicopter, myself squished between Rude's extensive bulk and Reno's thin frame.  The   
weather was windy and the 'copter tossed between the currents, haphazardly swinging us   
around as a green pilot, fresh out of the Shinra military academy, apologized profusely for  
a situation that was not entirely his fault.  Rude fixed him with a glowering stare and  
Reno menaced like the best of us, and so I tried my hardest to look Turk-ish as well, but  
I'm afraid I failed rather miserably.  A blond woman who looks barely out of her teens   
often has a difficult time appearing dangerous.  
            After landing on the helipad on top of Shinra headquarters, we made our way to   
Tseng's office.  I was awash with nerves; I hadn't seen him since the disastrous Mythril   
mine incident.  He thought I was as green as the foolish pilot who'd flown us over, after  
all, and he didn't think I would be a good Turk.  
            Was he right?  
            No, I told myself.  I would prove him wrong.  I had to, had to show Tseng the Turk  
I was, had to show the epitome of everything I'd ever wanted in a man that I was ready to  
be his.  Whatever fate threw at me, I was ready for.  
            As long as it involved me and a nice relationship with Tseng, of course.  
  
            The debriefing session was surprisingly short.  I had expected quite a bit of   
explaining about Sephiroth and his presence in the garden of Rufus Shinra's house, but  
Tseng had the air of a man who'd met him, with the darkening of his chocolate eyes  
and the slight slump of his shoulders that marked someone who'd tangled with those inhuman  
green cat slit pupils that had seemed to suck your soul right from your body.  He greeted us  
formally, with a bow such as Wutan customs required, then seated himself and gestured for  
us to be seated as well.  
            I sat directly across from him, determined not to let his beauty and his cold   
facade distract me from the work I was meant to do.  
            "I understand you had an encounter with Sephiroth," he began without preamble, his  
eyes casting a shadow of disapproval on the three of us.  At least his displeasure was not  
focused on me.  Reno had been about to speak, his mouth half open and his eyes bright, when  
I smoothly overrode him.  
            "He crossed the wall into Rufus Shinra's garden and was masked," I told Tseng.  "I  
thought he was going to kill me," I added weakly.  
            "Do you know what he intended?" Tseng asked me.  "What did he tell you?"  
            That I was steel.  
            But that was my secret, my small gift that he'd given me, though only the gods knew  
why.  The strongest general Shinra had ever seen thought I was strong.  I kept that as my  
own, stored in the back of my brain, giving me strength when I needed it most.  Like now.  To   
ignore Tseng's searching stare and remain focused on the task ahead of me.  
            "He didn't say anything," I meekly told Tseng as his gaze pierced my own.  It was   
the truth as far as I knew, and as I wracked my brain for some semblance of memory to what   
else Sephiroth had spoke of, I came up with nothing.  He was as much an enigma to me now as  
he'd been when I didn't really believe he existed.  
            Tseng turned to Reno and Rude.  
            "Did you see any suspicious characters lurking around Junon around the time when  
Sephiroth attacked?" he asked.  I realized immediately why; to determine if Sephiroth had  
allies.  But the silvery haired vision had seemed alone.  Quite alone.  
            I decided that I did not want to talk about it.  
            "He left a sword, sir," Reno spoke up.  It had sat in the cargo hold of our 'copter  
all the way back, banging fore and aft as the winds tossed us around like we weighed naught  
but a feather, and I'd winced every time I heard it clang against the metal hull.  It was a  
shame such a beautiful sword was getting so scratched up.  I checked it after we unloaded.  
            It hadn't had a scratch.  
            "A sword?" Tseng asked, arching one finely sculptured brow in an expression of   
curiosity.  "What sort of sword?"  
            "It's made of some sort of weird steel, and it's impervious to everything, sir.  It  
didn't even dent on the ride back."  Reno seemed in awe of it, and I felt a thrill of   
pride.  Even though Reno didn't know it, that sword was mine, left for me because I was   
steel and Sephiroth had recognized my strength for what it was.  
            The rest of the details of the debriefing session were a jumble to me, staring into  
Tseng's intoxicating eyes and feeling meek.  I dodged out of there as soon as we were   
dismissed and found myself holing up in a small corner of our main office, typing furiously  
away at the computer with my report on our assignment.  Reno and Rude watched amusedly for  
awhile, then went off to socialize, eat, and probably goof off and do nothing productive.  
I allowed myself a hiss of frustration.  
            I lost myself in my work for hours.  The sun sank low behind the Mako-haze that  
surrounded the city, and dusk set in.  Soon the stars would shine in my window, just as   
they had on that night that now seemed ages ago, when Tseng and I had first discussed their  
nature.  A nostalgic pang went through my heart; so much had changed since that night, when  
I felt that he'd judged me and I'd come out on top.  So much.  Now he thought I was silly.  
            Maybe I was.  
  
            It was late when I finally turned off the computer, gathered my papers, and   
shuffled through various piles to see if there was anything I'd forgotten.  The pale half-  
sliver of the moon had risen in the sky and shined proudly above the city, apparently not  
caring that it was not whole.    
            "If I were the moon, I would not want to shine when I was only a sliver," I said  
aloud to the empty office.  
            "But don't you do that anyway?" a voice rang out from behind me.  I whirled around,  
afraid for a moment that it was Tseng even though it was nowhere near his deep baritone,  
and surprised myself by seeing Reno standing there, slouched against the doorframe.  
            I raised an eyebrow at him.  
            "You try to shine for Tseng, for all of us, when you only show a sliver of your  
true self," he elaborated.  "You're trying to charm people with what you aren't, when if  
you would only relax and allow yourself the time to turn into a full moon, you'd do the  
very thing you yearn to so very much."  His analogy hit a little too close to home for me  
and I glared at him.  
            "What do you know about me?" I asked, feeling foolish the moment the words escaped  
my lips.  As he'd demonstrated both here and in the bar in Junon, Reno understood quite a  
bit about me.  He seemed to understand me better than I understood myself sometimes.  
            "I told you not to hide," he said sternly.  It seemed ridiculous, Reno trying to be  
authoritative, so out of character for him, and I almost wanted to laugh.  "I told you to  
be yourself, and you were back to using your meek, rookie mask."  Why did he care so much?  
            "I tried!" I told him.  "I reported."  
            "Like a child," he said coldly.  
            "I am not a child!" I almost yelled, turning my back to him and staring out at the  
black sky peppered with stars and the sliver of a moon that so resembled my own  
personality.  Damn Reno.  
            "Then don't act like it."  Why was he being so cold?  He was really annoyed with me,  
I realized with alarm.  I didn't want Reno mad at me; I genuinely was starting to like him,  
even though he was roguish and usually half drunk.  
            "How can I possibly stop?" I asked him, whirling again angrily, strands of my loose  
hair catching in my face so I had to brush them away.  "Tseng scares me!"  
            My admission left Reno stunned.  
            "He scares you?" he asked, blinking.  "You're scared by TSENG?  But you like him!"  
His protests didn't seem to fit with me; could you not be scared of someone you liked?  
"Why are YOU scared of Tseng?  You stared Sephiroth down, and that would have scared the  
shit out of me."  
            "I never said Sephiroth didn't scare me," I whispered, surprised at his assumption.  
            "But he didn't."  It was unspoken.  
            "I was so scared I couldn't move!" I said indignantly.  But that was not true, either.  
I had been neither scared nor brave; just there, the cold rush of adrenaline ringing in my  
ears, the almost angelic vision of Sephiroth standing in front of me, knowing I was going  
to die but not really caring, because THIS man was going to be my murderer, and that made  
death seem okay.  
            Reno stared imploringly into my eyes, not believing me, but whatever he saw there   
he kept to himself.  He grabbed my arm and pulled me over to him, causing me to stumble.  
            "Elena," he whispered, his voice husky with some suppressed emotion I couldn't   
identify.  "Why do you hide a backbone of steel?  Why do you try to play Turk when you really  
don't have to act the part at all?"  
            "I want this," I hissed up at him, my face inches from his.  "I will be a Turk,  
Reno."  
            "Play by the rules, kid," he told me, then reached in and pressed his lips to mine.  
            The first touch of his lips made me jump backward in alarm, tripping over my own  
feet and tumbling into a pile on the floor.  I took a moment to gather my wits, my lips  
still tingling from that ephemeral touch, and glanced up at the doorway.  
            Reno was gone.  
  
            My wits were still scrambled when I left Shinra headquarters and cursed the fact   
that I'd taken the train to the office the day we left for the Mythril mines, a train that  
had stopped running at the late hour in which I was departing.  I set a brisk pace, walking  
along the empty streets of upper plate Midgar.  I felt a little silly for being so alert;  
the upper plate had no scumbags ready to attack a lone woman late at night as far as I knew,  
and I was a Turk.  
            I was wrong on both accounts, it would seem.  
            I had passed a dark alleyway, humming to myself, staring up at the sky that glowed  
a bit from the Make poisoning in the air.  I could not see the moon and the stars from the  
street, being too far into the pollution, into the city.  My thoughts were of Reno, and of  
Tseng, and kisses and stars and moons, flowers, gardens, and silver threads of my life   
tangling into a confusing mass.  
            A hand reached out and grabbed my wrist.  I stopped dead, almost falling again in  
surprise, and whirled around to see who had accosted me at this time of night.  The shadows  
of the alleyway spread before my very eyes to reveal four men, wearing tight hats of a   
fuzzed yarn and gold chains.  They had scars lacerated up their tattooed arms, and they  
seemed honestly surprised to have caught me for a prize.  
            "What's this?" the man who held my arm asked.  
            I felt so caught in the middle of a cliche and I rolled my eyes, going for my  
handbag where my gun was stored.  I reached air.  I'd left my gun at the office.  I swore  
creatively, and the men laughed.  
            "What's wrong, little lady?" the tallest one mocked me while the one who held my  
arm threw me to the ground.  "Do you not like us?" I was so small compared to them, but I  
didn't let myself feel despair.  In fact, I wasn't afraid at all.  It was as if all three of  
them had small red targets painted on them; they were going to die.  
            I was going to wash the walls of this alley with their blood.  
            The first one reached for my suit coat, pulled it off with a swift jerk, and blinked  
with surprise.  "What's this?  Dark navy?  They don't sell women's suits this colour..."  
He was obviously smarter than the rest, for the other three made cat-calls and told him that  
it didn't matter.  But it did.  He'd given me my opening, and I was a Turk.  
            My foot went up and connected with his stomach, cleanly kicking him away from me   
and into the opposite wall with considerable force due to the small size of the alley.  They  
all shouted in alarm, the other three looking at each other then rushing me.  I dodged one,  
kicked the other in the groin, and grabbed the knife the third was brandishing and plunged  
it deep in his chest.  
            He gurgled and fell with a wet thump.  I didn't even feel sick.  
            I pulled the knife out of his chest while the last one was trying to get his   
colleagues back up.  The man against the wall looked to be unconscious and I mercilessly   
kicked him in the neck, effectively snapping it.  I turned to the other two, my high heels  
stained with blood, my hand holding a dripping knife, my face smeared with it.  
            The last one ran from me, and I slit the downed one's throat.  
            I wished Reno was there so that I could take the blood from the knife, take it and  
smear it across his scars like I'd promised, so he could see what I really was.  I'd just  
killed three men without a pang of guilt.  
            What kind of monster was I?  
            Blood covered, I was about to leave the alley and get home to take a hot shower  
when I heard the sound of applause.  I looked up and a shadowed figure stood on the awning  
of the nearest building.  
            "Impressive," he spoke, smooth and gracefully.  "You are like a bloodthirsty little  
cat, are you not?"  I peered at the figure, making out long hair.  Then he turned towards  
me, and his eyes glowed bright green.  
            "I thought you were in Junon," I growled, jutting my jaw out.  Funny how I still   
felt no fear.  Sephiroth shrugged his shoulders.  
            "There are many things you don't understand."  
            "I understand blood," I told him, scowling.  Had he come to pat me on the back for  
killing three men?  Had he set the men on me?  I'd never heard about thugs on the upper  
plate before.  Was there a way that they were migrating from the lower plate, or was this  
all Sephiroth's doing, a test?  
            "You bathed in it tonight," he smirked.  "And yet you didn't flinch.  You're quite  
worthy of my gift."  He was menacing in the hazy Mako-coloured glow that covered the sky,  
but all I felt was amusement.  He would not kill me tonight.  He had had his chance.  
            "Good night, Sephiroth," I told him, turning and leaving the horrible scene behind  
me, to take my shower, dress in something nice, perhaps silk, and sleep like there was no  
tomorrow.  
            Because, perhaps there wasn't.  
  
            I awoke the next morning and realized there were many things I was not yet ready to  
deal with.  A kiss from Reno, and an attack from Sephiroth's goons, all in the time frame  
of about forty minutes.  No wonder I'd collapsed into my bed and slept like a dead woman.  
            Had I really killed those men like that?  The only evidence that I had was trapped  
in my fingernails, faint red stains that would not go away for all my washing.  
            What would Reno think?  
            Why did I care?  
            I reached the office early, walking at a brisk pace past the alley that was starting  
to smell like the dead men.  No one would ever suspect me of killing three thugs anyway, so  
it wasn't like it mattered.  I reached Shinra HQ and pressed the button for the 66th floor.  
I was halfway up the building when the thought struck me.  
            'You're quite worthy of my gift.'  
            The sword.  
            I quickly hit the button for the 67th floor instead, not getting off when the doors  
stopped at the 66th floor and instead waiting.  I got off at 68, and the floor was deserted  
and quiet.  I crept around, not sure if I was allowed there even though my keycard had   
clearance to it, and soon found the sword among crates of Hojo's lab equipment.  
            It shined.  
            I had never really taken a good look at it before, not TRULY, not to admire the  
beauty of its craftsmanship, but it was large and bulky, much like the sword that idiot   
Strife carried around, and nearly bigger than I was.  The part that struck me the most about  
it was that the slight green glow that it gave off.  Reno was right; this was no ordinary  
metal sword.  
            But I could never claim it.  Sephiroth would not control my life, and he would not  
make me use his tools.  I could never explain how I knew the sword was mine.  I would have  
to tell my secret, my strength, and that was the one thing I was not willing to give up.  So  
the sword would sit on the 67th floor until Hojo took it apart to figure out what it was  
made of, and then it would go off into the junk heap.  
            For some reason, the thought made me sad.  
            I reached the office a little later than I'd intended to and stopped right outside  
the door, touching my lips with two fingers, worried about seeing Reno.  I didn't understand  
him at all.  Why had he kissed me?  He couldn't LIKE me.  I liked Tseng.  
            I slipped through the doorframe quickly and to my astonishment, the office was  
empty.  Little did I know that that was how it would remain for the rest of the week.  I   
found the report on our shared desk the next morning.  Reno and Rude had been sent up North  
to investigate some weird happenings with Tseng, and I was left running the fort.  
            Thoughts of Reno, Tseng, and Sephiroth swam through my head that day, for it was  
so boring there was nothing else to do.  No officials came to our offices.  No one calls a  
top secret organization, and if they did, Tseng's secretary usually intercepted the calls.  
I quite literally had nothing to do.  
            It was then that I began to wonder if I was someone important, if I had a place in  
the great working we call history.  While others would be forgotten in the seams of time,  
I was a Turk.  And now I was intricately interwoven with Sephiroth.  
            Sephiroth was the stuff legends were spun from.  Everyone knew that he was the   
greatest general Shinra had ever boasted, brilliant and beautiful, tactically wise and  
knowing exactly what weakness would cause his foes to fall.  Women lusted after him, men  
wanted to be like him, and everyone wanted to be a part of the tapestry that Sephiroth  
called his life.  Then, ten years ago, while I was still a girl barely into my teens, he'd  
disappeared suddenly.  The uproar it'd caused was echoed round the globe, as all his fans,  
admirers, and worshippers refused to believe it was so.  He was not dead, they'd cried.  But  
for ten years, he'd been silent.  
            Now he was back.  
            Now he was talking to ME.  
            Now he was dangerous.  But I didn't care.  He and I were more alike than anyone   
could know.  We both bathed the world in red, both had darkness within our hearts.  We were  
both ruthless, both cold as the world we lived in, stark and pale, painted with killed  
dreams and lost hopes.  The ancient and the Turk, bound in an intricate dance.  
            That night, I laid awake with my blinds open, starlight and mako haze spilling   
across my comforter like a sea of light, and I was struck by how close the green colour of  
the light was to Sephiroth's eyes.  It seemed to haunt me.  My apartment was shadowed,   
hallowed, and I was quite alone, but I could not sleep.  Something was pricking at my brain  
and I couldn't escape it.  I couldn't get rid of it.  
            I went to sleep, asking to dream of Tseng, but the last thing I saw before sleep  
overtook me were two mako-coloured eyes.  I didn't know if they were Reno's or Sephiroth's.  
            What was wrong with me?  
  
            I think I did dream of Tseng that night.  I don't really remember.  Tseng was still  
everything to me, regardless of the effect that these other two men were having on my life.  
The next day, he returned from the assignment he'd sent Reno and Rude on, and he and I were  
the only two in the office.  
            I watched him from a distance, my heart yearning.  And then, two days after his   
return, he came up to me, two swords slung over his shoulder.  To my astonishment, one of   
them was mine from Sephiroth.  
            "Reno told me to spar with you, Elena," Tseng told me, his eyes glittering with some  
unknown emotion.  Spar?  He tossed me the sword.  "Care to dance?"  
            I caught it, my hands cutting on the sharp blade, and it was indeed as heavy as  
I'd thought it would be.  I hefted it up and he tossed me a shoulder harness as well.  I  
mounted the sword on my back, Strife-style, and raised an eyebrow at him.  
            "We're going to the training facility in the basement," he told me, turning around.  
But I hadn't answered him yet.  
            Part of me was tempted to run, to hide, to insist that I was not worthy to fight  
him.  But part of me wanted to show him the Turk I was capable of being.  Part of me wanted  
to show him that Reno was right, that Sephiroth was right.  And I wanted to win him as mine.  
So I steeled my eyes, carried my inner strength, grabbed his arm and pulled him back around  
to face me. Made eye contact with him.  
            "You're on," I whispered.  
            ...to be continued...  
  
            (in the next chapter) Elena spars with Tseng, and shows him just what a female Turk  
really is.  And yes, there is more angst :P.  And perhaps new orders!  
            R&R is always appreciated ^_- 


	7. Chapter 7

My Own Chapter 7  
by Kate/Kaeda (kaeda@water-witch.net)  
Pairing: Elena/Tseng, Elena/Reno  
Rating: PG-13  
   
Disclaimer in chapter 1. ^^;;  
  
I tried to keep this PG-13.  My apologies if it didn't quite work out too well.  
  
Thanks for everyone who reviewed, especially to Vera Priscaleth who reminded me that I have  
a fic to write, just a few days ago, which allowed me to actually get this stupid thing  
done!  And yet, now I am filled again with Elena-love.  I love this fic.  Must work on it  
more!  
  
This chapter's a little shorter than usual, but still relatively long.  Sorry!  
  
   
----Chapter 7----  
  
            The truth is such an ephemeral thing that it is sometimes impossible to grasp, no  
matter how hard one tries.  The truth about me - now that was a mystery, and the greatest  
one of all.  I didn't know who I was, and neither did anybody else.  Was I a ditzy crybaby,  
blonde to the core, all impulse and no thought?  I didn't think so, but the rest of the   
world saw me in that light, defined me by those words.  Silly, foolish.  Stupid.  A ditzy  
bimbo.  Or was I strong, like Sephiroth said, like steel?  Cold, sinister, filled with a  
desire for bloodshed?  
            I think in the end, it turned out I was both.  
  
            The sword was heavy on my back, leaving tingling little jolts of electricity on my  
skin where it touched, even through my clothes and the harness.  I wondered how odd I  
looked with a sword growing green perched on my back.  A diminutive woman with a giant  
sword.  The contradiction that would never seem to leave my life.  
            The elevator hummed next to my ear as it headed swiftly to the basement facility,  
leaving a jarring feeling like my stomach had been left behind.  Tseng seemed unaffected, of  
course, his cold demeanor never changing, and I briefly wondered if he seriously thought I  
could beat him, even with such a magnificent sword.  Probably not, I mused.  He thought I  
was a child.  Around him, I was.  Even now, doubt began to creep into my mind as I realised  
where I was heading.  Sparring - with Tseng!  My one chance to prove myself, and I knew deep  
in my heart that I was going to fail.  
            Oh, what I fool I was.  
            The elevator stopped abruptly, bringing me out of my reverie, and Tseng held the  
button to keep the doors open while I stepped out.  The hallway was made of a smooth, peach  
stone all around, from walls to floor, and my boots echoed as if we were in a cave.  Tseng,  
like a cat, made no sound at all, and I flushed with embarrassed envy as we made our way down  
the corridor, the loud clunking of boots on stone and the soft, quiet footfalls of a   
stalking predator.  However, Tseng didn't even seem to notice that.  Didn't the man react  
to anything?  
            We reached a doorway cut into the elegant stone, arch-shaped and sporting a rough  
wooden door with a keypad next to it.  Tseng swiftly typed numbers into the pad and the door  
popped open.  He pulled it the rest of the way open and ushered me inside.  The room was  
absolutely astonishing.  Whenever I'd sparred Reno and Rude before I joined the Turks, it  
had always been in one of the gyms at Shinra Inc, or a Wutan dojo outside the building.   
Never before had I been in their secret training facility.  The room spread for what looked  
like miles, filled with different atmospheres in different areas.  Tseng led me past a   
smoky city alley, a forest, and an underwater simulation before we came across a brightly  
lit square mock-dojo.  It seemed so out of place that I nearly laughed.  
            "Draw your weapon, Turk," he commanded.  Suddenly, the humour I felt at the  
situation was gone with his words, and my whole body froze with dread.  My hands wouldn't  
move to the handle to draw my sword.  I cursed them, but I was too cold, too stiff.  Too  
scared.  Funny how I could face Sephiroth, but not Tseng.  "Elena?" he asked, his voice as  
cold as I was.  "I'm not going to put up with this nonsense.  Reno said you were a Turk.  
Prove it to me!"  I wanted to cry, staring into his ruthless eyes, to fall on my knees and  
sob and sob, show him just how weak I really was.  
            The sword pulsed on my back.  
            I was bathed in green light.  The lassitude that had filled my limbs moments before  
was swiftly replaced by the most searing jolt of electricity I had ever felt, filling me   
with adrenaline, energy, and the ghost of a phrase I had been turning over and over in my  
head since I heard it.  
            'You are steel.'  
            I was steel.  Tseng could not beat me.  Suddenly, I noted his surprise as my eyes  
hardened and the hands that had been immobile just moments before suddenly grabbed the hilt  
of the sword and drew it in a swift, fluid motion.  It was heavy in my palms and I could  
barely hold it upright, but I was determined to try.  Then I realised Tseng couldn't see  
how it glowed, how it formed an aura around me.  Mine.  My own.  
            "You wanted to spar?" I told him, feeling rather cocky from all the energy in my  
body.  "Let's spar."  He smiled, a feline smile, and drew his own sword.  He ran at me  
quickly, fluidly, and I dodged away, suddenly unsure again.  What was I doing?  Even the  
strength of the sword couldn't help as I crumpled into a little ball, trying to hold the  
sword out in front of me to keep him away but not even attempting to put in an offensive  
attack.  Tseng stopped with his sword pointed at my neck.  
            "This is ridiculous.  You're not Turk material, Elena.  Are you going to cower into  
a ball when Sephiroth comes knocking at your door, ready to kill you?"  I stared at him,  
surprised at the question.  Of course I wasn't going to cower at Sephiroth!  The only man I  
cowered in front of was...him.  But how was he supposed to realise that?  
            The sword was pulsing furiously now, seeming angry at me for not utilising its   
strength and for being a coward.  
            "Let's try this again," Tseng replied.  "I'll give you another chance.  Reno isn't  
usually wrong."  He moved away again and gestured for me to stand up.  I uncoiled slowly,  
pulled too taut like a bowstring, and held the sword out in front of me in a bad defensive  
stance that would accomplish nothing, I knew.  My heart pounded in my ears, too much  
adrenaline rushing through my veins without an outlet, and I was awash in a mixture of fear,  
shame, and anger.  Humiliation.  I was failing, just as I'd known I would.  
            Tseng ran at me again.  
            I dodged into the corner again.  
            The world burst into a pulsating dance of ash and flame before my eyes.  The "walls"  
that had surrounded us turned to fire, dancing around us.  Tseng turned into Sephiroth,  
smirking a catlike, smug smile at me.  The sword became a live wire in my hand, even  
stronger than before, more fierce.  
            "Come on, little cat," Sephiroth taunted me.  "Fight!"  
            Suddenly, now that Tseng's beautiful face was not in front of me, I could see the  
target clearly.  I gave a yell of both frustration and anguish and raised the sword,  
throwing myself at Sephiroth like a dark streak of lightning.  I slashed and parried until  
he could not retaliate, danced with him in the echoing shadows of his wall of fire.  He  
seemed astonished, his movements not as elegant as I would have expected from such a man,  
and soon I had him pinned to the ground, my sword at his throat.  
            "Enough!" he boomed, and suddenly the flames were gone, Sephiroth was gone, the  
sword was normal steel again, and I had Tseng pinned against the wall, sweat beading on his  
forehead and his eyes wide with realisation and fear.  "Enough," he whispered.  In my   
mortification I dropped the sword and jumped backwards, finally out of my trance and a bit  
horrified at what I had done.  There were scratches along his arms; some were faint, but  
some oozed blood slowly.  His uniform was torn on one shoulder and a nasty bruise shined  
through, blue and black.  
            What had I done?  
            I squeaked an apology and dashed out, away from the fake dojo, away from the Turk  
training room, away from Tseng, bruised and battered like a rag doll, lying against the wall  
in astonishment.  I ran into the stone corridor, the echoing of my boots sounding too much  
like the approaching footsteps of doom, and frantically smashed the button for the elevator.  The doors finally opened with a ping and I leapt inside, pushed '66', and collapsed  
onto the carpeted floor.  
            In the mirror, I could see my own reflection.  My eyes were dull and lifeless, my  
hair matted flat against my head from sweat.  I looked like I had just been defeated by the  
greatest opponent.  Not like I'd defeated the man I loved.  
            I'd gone down there, determined to show Tseng he was wrong.  
            Why was I so upset that I'd accomplished it?  
  
            I reached the office and crept inside, relieved to find it empty.  Reno and Rude  
were nowhere to be found, and I gratefully sank onto the couch and began to weep.  I am not  
usually a woman who cries, but after the stress of the sparring match, there was no other  
outlet for my feelings, and I cried until my nose stuffed up and my eyes watered, and my   
head began to pound.  I blew my nose on tissue, tidied my hair in the mirror in the corner,  
and then began to ponder what to do.  
            I never wanted to see Tseng again.  The only way to avoid him forever would be to  
resign.  I sighed, not really wanting to leave the job I'd been craving all my life but  
not knowing what else to do.  There was no other option.  
            I sat down at the computer, and began to write up my resignation letter.  
            I sat there for an hour, silent tears leaking down my face, feeling like my heart  
was going to shrivel up and die as I slowly typed the words I knew would change my life  
forever.  Word by word it grew, slowly, until finally I signed it 'Sincerely, Elena' and   
hit 'print'.  The sound of the printer rang with a finality I couldn't control, and I  
quickly drew the letter out and began to pack my things.  It didn't take that long - unlike  
Reno and Rude, I didn't leave my belongings scattered around the office, and I didn't have   
as much as they did, either.  Soon I left the office, lugging a box, with my letter on top.  
I set the box down and slipped the letter under Tseng's door before heading for the elevator  
for my last time as a Turk.  At the top of the box was the lovingly pressed blue uniform,  
neat and ready for my next assignment.  The assignment that I would never have, now.  
            When the elevator finally arrived, the only other person in there was a dingy,  
scrawny man in a lab coat.  Hojo.  He glanced at my box but wisely said nothing and instead  
just looked in the mirror.  Even though I had other things on my mind, I couldn't help but  
feel that he was...tainted.  Being in the same elevator just made me want to shiver   
uncontrollably, and I was thankful when he got off at the 15th floor, leaving me to make the  
rest of my journey in peace.  
            I took the bus home.  I was not in the mood to lug a box five blocks across Midgar  
in the hot noontime.  I took my belongings up to my apartment and placed them in the closet,  
vowing to unpack them later, but now it would hurt too much.  Then I fell onto my bed and  
sobbed some more, before the relentless crying finally turned into a restless slumber.  
  
            I woke from a dreamless sleep to find my apartment shaking.  I blinked in surprise  
before all the events of the day came rushing back to me.  I glanced out the window and  
noted the darkness of the moonless night, and realised I'd slept for quite awhile.  Then  
there was a horrible pounding at my door, and it dawned on me why my apartment had been  
shaking like it had.  
            My outfit from the day was wrinkled from sleep and my hair messy.  My eyes were red  
from crying, even so long ago, and bloodshot.  I looked like I'd just escaped hell and I  
knew it, but being the stupid person I am, I opened the door anyway.  
            It was Reno.  And he was pissed.  
            "WHAT," he demanded, shoving the resignation letter into my face, "is THIS?"  I  
blinked a few times, pushed it away, and glared at him.  
            "I resigned."  
            "IDIOT."  He exploded into my apartment, shoving me aside and heading straight for  
my kitchen.  I rolled my eyes and closed the door, smoothing down my hair and hoping I  
didn't look too horrible.  I followed him into the kitchen to find him digging through my  
refrigerator, finally pulling out two beers and popping one open.  "Whatever in the world  
made you do a stupid thing like this?"  
            I felt sullen and sulky, still upset over my decision, and I grabbed the other beer  
from the counter with a vengeance.  I was going to get damned drunk, and not even Reno was  
going to stop me.  
            "I beat Tseng in a sparring match," I muttered, taking a swig.  Reno looked at me  
incredulously, then gave a bark of astonishment.  I glared at him.  
            "So you proved you were Turk material, then QUIT?" he growled.  "After I went to so  
much trouble to get Tseng to even give you a chance?  Forget it, Elena!  You're not going   
anywhere."  I suddenly felt cold.  I took another sip to cover up my confusion, but I'm sure  
it somehow leaked through.  "You're lucky I found this before HE did.  Otherwise, you would  
probably be dead by now."  
            I blinked.  Dead?  
            "You don't just LEAVE the Turks, Elena.  Once you're in, you're in until you die.  
We have too many secrets.  Didn't Tseng make that clear to you before you joined?"  He might  
have.  I was so stunned by his beauty that I hadn't paid much attention to his opening  
speech.  "You little fool," he muttered, swiftly polishing off his beer and reaching into my  
fridge for another one.  
            "Hey!" I protested.  "I save those for special occasions, you know!"  He shrugged,  
popping the second one open and drinking from it, and I growled angrily.  "So Tseng doesn't  
know I quit?" I decided to change the subject.  
            "Nope.  And he's not going to, because YOU," and he thumped a finger on my chest,  
which I immediately knocked away and flushed, "are going back there tomorrow like nothing  
happened, and you're going to sit in that office and be a god damned TURK."  He was roaring  
now, and drunk.  I'd never seen Reno that angry before, and it scared me.  
            "I can't go back, Reno.  I'm humiliated."  
            "Are you fragile?" he asked me, serious now.  "Do you break easily?  Are you just a  
little girl trying to play Turk?  Because if you quit, that's what it looks like.  Plus,  
then we'll have to come after you and kill you, and I don't really want to do that."  
            "I'd like to see you try," I growled.  He laughed slightly.  
            "So you showed Tseng who you really are.  So what?  You proved to him you can react  
under duress, that you can fight.  Besting Tseng isn't easy, Elena.  I've only done it a   
couple of times myself, and it was pure luck."  His eyes were glossy now, his words starting  
to slur.  I wondered what kind of beer I had bought if it could get him drunk this quickly,  
but realised that I myself was starting to get a little fuzzy and I'd only drunk one.  Oops.  
            "I thought he was Sephiroth," I whispered, tossing my empty bottle into the sink.  
"And look at me, now I'm hallucinating, and acting like a drunkard, and I'm really not   
strong at all, am I Reno?"  I began to cry again, salty mortified tears, and although I was  
angry that Reno saw, I couldn't stem their flow.  To my surprise, he stood up, wobbled a   
little, and smoothed the tears from my cheek.  
            "You're strong, Elena.  You just choose to hide it.  How many times do I have to   
tell you this?"  he was surprisingly coherent, especially from the way he was wobbling while  
just attempting to stand.  "Damn, I'm drunk.  What IS that stuff?"  I shrugged.  I still had  
no idea what I'd bought.  
            "I'm not Turk material."  
            "Idiot!" he burst out again.  "You are so.  You're going back there tomorrow.  And  
I won't hear any excuses.  If you're not there by nine, I'm going to come here and haul you  
out of bed."  
            I smirked.  "Reno, YOU'RE never there by nine."  He ignored my comment and grabbed  
under my chin, a little harder than he meant to, and I was looking into his Mako-green eyes  
with something akin to surprise.  
            Then he kissed me.  His lips were warm and pliant, and I was surprised at how   
willing I was to kiss him back this time.  He wasn't Tseng; I didn't love him.  I barely  
even LIKED him, despite the fact that he was probably my best friend.  But he was comforting  
and warm, even though he smelled a bit like beer, and I drank that comfort from him.  When  
he deepened the kiss and his tongue flicked against mine, I realised where it was heading  
but made no attempt to stop it.  
            The next morning, I woke up in Reno's arms.  
            It was 10 o'clock.  
  
            He made me go to the office that day.  I didn't want to face him, didn't want to   
deal with either him OR Tseng after the horrible day before, but Reno had woken soon after I  
had and fixed me with a glare, telling me to get dressed and get going before he kicked my  
ass.  
            So nothing had changed between us.  
            Yeah, right.  
            He must have had one hell of a hangover, because he looked awful.  I myself didn't  
feel anything, as we rode up the elevator in silence, as I smoothed my suit and worried  
about what Tseng would say.  A flush coated my cheeks.  I had cheated on Tseng!  Even  
though he felt nothing for me, I still felt as if somehow I'd done something wrong.  I loved  
him, and I slept with Reno.  Reno, who obviously had feelings for me, glancing at me out of  
the corner of his eye.  
            Reno, who'd I used, absolutely horribly.  
            We reached the office, stepped inside, and to my surprise and resounding horror  
Tseng was seated on the couch, talking to Rude.  He glanced at us as we walked in, raising  
an eyebrow at Reno's disheveled state before focusing that piercing gaze on me.  
            "Elena," he said calmly.  
            I shivered.  
            "You have proven yourself to be the Turk Reno said you were.  Apparently he was  
right and I was wrong.  However, I want you to engage in training sessions to make sure you  
don't freeze up like you did when you sparred with me, yesterday.  Some days I'll oversee  
them.  If I can't be there, Reno will.  I want you to be able to fight any opponent.  Do I  
make myself clear?"  I nodded, bowing slightly.  "Good."  He stood up gracefully and glided  
from the room.  
            "Looks like I get to fight you, 'Lena," Reno smirked, seating himself in the spot  
Tseng had just vacated.  "This should be fun."  
            Yeah, fun.  It felt more like I was condemned for eternity.  Strung between two men,  
one who I loved and one who I did not, attracting the attention of the most dangerous man   
in the world, and becoming the owner of a freaky sword - my life was swiftly moving out of  
the ordinary and becoming quite extraordinary.  
            And I didn't like it, one bit.  
            ...to be continued...  
  
  
            (in the next chapter) Suddenly life is more complicated.  What does Reno mean to  
Elena?  What about Tseng?  What about Sephiroth?  Why are all these men tugging her in such  
vastly different directions?  
            To Gongaga we gooooo...  
            R&R is always appreciated ^_-  



	8. Chapter 8

My Own Chapter 8 by Kate/Kaeda )  
Pairing: Elena/Tseng, Elena/Reno  
Rating: PG-13 

Disclaimer in chapter 1.

This has been sitting on my hard drive for ages...Sanni (VeraPriscaleth) has been beating me  
over the head in order to get me to finish it off and post it, so here it is! It's a bit  
rough but that's because my writing hasn't been flowing as well lately...sorry.

----Chapter 8----

No matter how surreal life gets, it always manages to regain its usual pattern of  
normalcy, and my life was no exception to this monumental rule. A week after the Reno  
incident, everything returned to normal, life moved on. Sparring with Tseng and Reno was a  
bit stressful but every time I was down there in that fake dojo I managed to gain a little  
more internal strength from that sword, and an inkling of intuition told me that one day I  
wouldn't need the sword to spar against Tseng, that I would be able to draw enough inner  
strength to fight him hand to hand, eye to eye, breath to breath.

But when would that day come?

And would I be strong enough to handle it?

I came back from the office late on a Friday night, alone. All seemed well in  
the world; it had been a bright, cheerful day, the Mako haze around the city making the  
view from my window appear almost angelic, and Tseng had talked to me. It seemed as if my  
life was finally getting back on track.

Oh, how wrong that was.

I turned the key in the lock, let myself into my apartment, and was about to  
collapse on the sofa with a huff after a long day's work when I noticed something shiny  
lying on it. I'd almost sat on a sword.

Wait. Not a sword.

THE MASAMUNE.

I swear to god, I stared at it for an eternity before I finally realised the  
implications of it being there. Either Sephiroth decided to give me a handy new present  
again, or he was in. my. apartment. I opted for the latter when I heard a noise in the  
kitchen, and peeked around the corner to see him downing one of the Mystery Beers that had  
made Reno and I so plastered the week before.

Sephiroth. In my kitchen. Drinking beer.

See, I told you my life wasn't back to normal. Not by a long shot.

"What the HELL are you doing here?" I demanded, annoyed at all these males who just  
thought they could barge in and drink my alcohol. What the heck was up with that?

"I left my drinks here. Somebody's been drinking them." He gave me a glare with  
those cat-slit pupils and I shivered. "Did you drink my beer?" He shoved one in my face  
and I blinked at it curiously.

"Why did you leave YOUR beer in MY kitchen?" I placed my hands on my hips and  
stared at him with a surly gleam in my eye. "Reno drank two. I can't help it if he's an  
idiot and a drunkard." Sephiroth didn't laugh, just raised one delicate silver eyebrow.

"Two? I'm surprised he didn't go unconscious." At least the Mystery Beers were now  
explained - somewhat - but what were they? As if hearing my unspoken question, Sephiroth  
thrust the bottle out so that it rested just in front of my eyes, and I read the label.  
'Sephy's Home Brew'.

"'Sephy'?" I asked archly.

"Shut up," he muttered darkly. Changing the subject, he added, "I felt you use my  
sword, finally. It's about time you got around to doing that." But I wasn't about to be  
foiled. The man was in MY kitchen, storing his stupid alcohol in MY fridge, and he expected  
to just waltz in and do whatever he pleased?

Never mind that he was Sephiroth. NO ONE did that to Elena and got away with it. I  
grabbed one of the other beers on the table and pulled up a chair, about to pop it open and  
take a drink. Sephiroth deftly snatched it back and glared at me expertly.

"You can't drink that," he told me, cursing. "It'll get you drunk in no time flat.  
It's brewed for an Ancient's constitution." I glared at him and peered in my fridge before  
taking out some grape juice. Oh well, I never said I was that interesting. I poured it in  
a glass and sat back down, peering at him, trying to look as pure, innocent, and young as  
possible. Maybe I could get some answers.

I should have remembered that my look didn't fool him.

"What are you doing in my kitchen?" I asked again. He looked irritated as he  
regarded me with an even fiercer glare than before.

"I told you. Getting my beer. You should be grateful I haven't killed you yet, you  
know," he added conversationally. I mulled between two options, jumping immediately into a  
defensive stance and getting laughed at, or quipping back. I chose the latter.

"You wouldn't kill me. You need my fridge."

"This is all very redundant. I can come and go from anywhere I choose to.  
I chose your apartment because I didn't think you were stupid enough to drink something that  
was obviously MINE." The last part was delivered in a growl.

"Hey! Reno, it was Reno!"

"Elena," he gave me a wounded look, as if I thought he was stupid. "There were  
three beers missing. You said Reno drank two." I groaned despite myself and held my head  
in my hands. When he didn't say anything for awhile, I peered out at him, wondering if he  
was going to kill me NOW.

Obviously not. Now he had his feet propped on the table, as if he owned the world.  
The idea of scuff-marks on my kitchen table was not a pleasant thought, but I'd finally  
realised that I couldn't exactly boss him around, and I didn't exactly want to know what  
would happen if I really irritated him. Sephiroth was dangerous. I was foolish for  
provoking him. Even though it was kind of...fun.

"You're spunky," he commented, as if the thought had just hit him. "You're tough,  
but filled with youthful spunk. I appreciate that. You're worthy of my gift." With that,  
he took a final swig of one of his beers, pushed the chair back deftly, and stood up with  
such grace that I felt overwhelmed. He was like Tseng, multiplied by thousands. However,  
since I wasn't in love with him, it had no effect on me except for a bit of awe. He bowed  
to me graciously, almost mockingly, then disappeared around the corner to the living room.  
Alarmed, I raced after him, and when I reached the living room, both Sephiroth and the  
masamune were gone. The curtains billowed around my open window like butterfly wings, and  
I huffed in annoyance and closed it.

When I went back into the kitchen, I cleaned up the empty bottles he'd left and put  
my glass in the sink. I peered into the refrigerator again just before I went to bed and  
noticed something I hadn't before. There was a large sign, right next to the rest of his  
'Sephy's Home Brew', that said,

"Drink this, and regret it."

As if I wanted to.

Reno and I had a very strange relationship. I would catch him staring at me across  
our office sometimes, although it seemed strange to me that a man such as himself would  
have such an attachment to a silly girl like me, or to any human being at all. Reno seemed  
like cold, polished steel - he had a distinct personality and was attractive and everybody  
wanted to be around him, but on the inside he wouldn't let anybody truly close to him, or  
so I'd thought. But for some reason, he seemed to hand me his heart in a box, and I didn't  
have the heart to tell him I didn't deserve it.

He would often appear at my apartment after drinking heavily, and his breath stank  
of beer. Those nights he slept on the couch and got nothing from me, although after he was  
asleep I often watched him from my bedroom door with a small smile on my lips, and  
occasionally I would smooth his hair as if he were a small child, running my fingers over  
his scars. Other nights he would suddenly be at my door, on me the moment I opened it with  
a hungry mouth and hungry fingers and a hungry life. It was as if he tried to use me to  
drain the loneliness from him, the loneliness all Turks suffer; we are slaves of our jobs,  
heartless assassins, the elite, but in the process of being elite, we lose a certain facet  
of our humanity as well.

I don't think I loved him.

I don't think I even truly knew what love was.

Tseng was the ephemeral phantom who haunted my dreams. Reno believed that I was  
over him; that he'd been nothing more than a crush, an infatuation that had disappeared  
once I had a true relationship. But I knew the truth. I would never fully escape from  
Tseng; the man was unforgettable, and would haunt me until my dying day.

Sometimes I would trace Reno's scars beneath my fingertips while he slept, watching  
as the sun rose above Midgar to start another day. I could never truly understand my  
feelings for him; did I like him, was I simply fond of him? Or was I letting him blot out  
the stark loneliness in my own life as well as in his?

One night, he came to my apartment with a cheesy grin on his face, red hair mussed  
like he'd been in a brawl, which was hardly unusual. He was carrying a bottle of wine by  
the neck and when I answered the door, he held it up so I could see what it was.

"I figured we could actually have a nice dinner tonight." It was so out of  
character for the drunk bastard that I nearly laughed in his face, but I was sleeping with  
him and it was a sweet gesture. I think some little part of my heart softened at that  
moment, and I let him inside.

We sipped our wine and told raunchy jokes over dinner, his eyes glowing with the  
familiar Mako tint in the florescent lights of my kitchen. It was very warm and comfortable  
and as he fell asleep beside me that night, I began to wonder for the first time in my life,  
could I settle for something less than true love at first sight?

A week after that pivotal night, Tseng gathered us all in his office to discuss  
another assignment. His eyes were hallowed and pale, as if he hadn't been sleeping well,  
and he shoved a stack of documents towards Reno, Rude, and I without hesitation.

"I'm sending you to Gongaga, all three of you. I will also be going, but I will be  
traveling with Scarlett." Reno groaned; the man had a healthy dislike of the blonde woman  
and made it known quite often. "This time we are going to be investigating the reactor  
there, and Scarlett has other business as well. You three are to guard us while we are  
accomplishing this. There have been reports that Avalanche is in the area. I do not want  
to see them on this mission."

I stared at the files. Gongaga was halfway across the world, on the other continent  
and I wasn't sure how I felt about going so far from home, but I -was- a Turk, and Turks do  
what they must, after all.

"Why're we going to the middle of a stinkin rainforest?" Reno whined.

"Tseng just explained," Rude rolled his eyes.

"Don't be incompetent," Tseng snapped. His face was stern and his eyes flashed, and  
I felt a little bit of my stomach churn from his gaze as it passed over me.

"S-sir!" I was rigid in my seat, at full attention. Had I been any more of a  
soldier at that moment, I would have snapped into a crisp salute, but Turks disregarded  
such frivolities. "Is it really necessary to send all of us away for the mission? As we are  
Shinra's elite, it can't be wise for us all to be gone from Midgar at the same time."

"This is on Shinra's orders, Elena," Tseng said soothingly. "The President is  
rather adept at taking care of threats, wouldn't you agree?" I blushed, remembering Rufus  
from that day several months before in Junon. The man had been almost as unsettling as  
Tseng himself.

And that was when I first met Sephiroth.

I shivered. Damn him.

"Sounds like a fun trip," Reno drawled sarcastically. "When do we leave?" Tseng  
gave him a pointed look and gestured to the documents in front of us. Apparently, we left  
within the next two days. Reno got a lazy grin on his face. "I get to room with the  
Rookie."

My face turned red. Tseng's eyebrows shot up. None of our coworkers knew about our  
relationship, and I preferred that it stayed that way.

"You will room with Rude, as usual," Tseng told him coldly, and that was that. I  
felt a little shiver of pleasure tickle its way down my spine at the almost jealous note in  
his voice; perhaps there was hope after all? Reno had his eyes narrowed.

"Whatever you say, Boss," he said mockingly.

I sensed there would be trouble from this. I could feel it.

But then again, we were Turks.

Trouble was attracted to us like a magnet.  
...to be continued...

(in the next chapter) THE TRIP TO GONGAGA FOR REALS. LIKE WOAH. ...Yeah.  
R&R is always appreciated


	9. Chapter 9

My Own Chapter 9

by Kate/Kaeda

Pairing: Elena/Tseng, Elena/Reno

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer in chapter 1.

OH MY GOODNESS DID I UPDATE? Yes, I did!

It's been like two years since I've worked on this fic, and I'm pretty sure my writing style has changed a LOT because the flow was completely different for me. I hope it works for you guys. I'm really getting back into Squaresoft games and FFVII (I just watched Advent Children earlier today. Turks!) so perhaps there will be even more of this fic. And I think I might tie it in with Advent Children if I actually get that far!

Yeah, like that's going to happen.

Anyways, here's the next part! Gongaga, drama, and Elena shows us some vulnerability.

----Chapter 9----

Helicopter rides with the Turks are always an adventure, and the one to Gongaga was no different. Reno smiled his usual disarming grin and wedged himself between Rude and I, cleverly managing to grope me before settling himself. I rolled my eyes and smacked him, and Rude grunted slightly in an annoyed way that made me wonder if he'd groped the other man as well. With the majority of my personal space thus invaded, Tseng took us up from the helipad and off to our next assignment. Since Gongaga was on the other continent, we spent a good five hours crammed like that, and I began to wonder why Shinra couldn't be bothered to give its elite assassin team a better method for flying around the world. Helicopters _sucked_.

When Reno began whining about a bathroom break three hours in, I knew I was going to lose it and shoot someone. Probably a certain redheaded idiot. Tseng seemed to sense this from our body language, because he muttered something about being late and set us down on some unmarked plain. Reno scrambled over me and was out the door the moment we were down, and Rude stood as well.

"You have to pee, too?" I asked snidely, in a foul mood.

"…I want to stretch," Rude replied, before making his own dignified exit. He stood in the grass outside the door looking like some sort of statue, glancing over the large meadow we were parked in. Tseng threw me a look.

"If you want to stretch too, feel free," he said in that usual calm way of his. I flushed at his kindness; I had been half expecting him to demand that Rude get back in so we could take off the moment Reno was done. I slipped out myself and stood next to Rude, noticing for the first time how stiff my knees were.

"Where's Reno?" I asked, not particularly wanting to accidentally glance over to where he was taking care of business. Despite the fact that we were sleeping together, I was, and still am, a firm believer in there being some things people just don't share. Rude gestured vaguely and unhelpfully towards the trees and I decided I wouldn't look closer into the forest. Then I glanced back to the helicopter. I could vaguely make out Tseng's elegant profile through the front window. He seemed to be watching the sky, and I wondered why he hadn't come out like the rest of us.

"You really love him, don't you." Rude never said much, so when he made such a startling observation I nearly fainted. He looked at me through those creepy sunglasses of his and I felt my cheeks flushing again. As far as I knew, Rude didn't know Reno and I were an item (although the pair were close, I wasn't sure if it went beyond work stuff or not).

"I don't love Tseng!" I finally said, but it was awkward and too late and Rude had the ghost of a smirk on his face, the closest he ever got to a facial expression. "He's a good leader and a brilliant man and he's _beautiful_ but that doesn't mean I'm in love with him. I admire him." If Rude could look disbelieving, I was sure he would be giving me the biggest look of disdain that ever touched a man's face. But he just glanced at me over his glasses again, and I shivered. Turks don't miss much. The only reason Reno probably thought I was over Tseng was because he was emotionally invested in the whole situation.

Don't get me wrong, I was fond of Reno. I was even genuinely beginning to like him. But Tseng was something larger than life, something amazing and wonderful and someone I wanted to _be_ and no real human being could ever compete with him. I'm surprised Reno ever even tried.

When I think back, I still can't tell if Reno was in love with me. It didn't seem in his nature to love anybody or anything; he was a free spirit, completely untamable, and I was his interest at the moment. But when I remember the trouble he took to analyze me, to figure out what made me tick, and when I remember how he reacted when…

But that's later.

Reno came bounding back up to the helicopter out of nowhere, still hastily zipping his fly (to my disgust). He slung his arm around my shoulder (also to my disgust) and messily kissed my ear.

"How's it going, rookie?" he asked. "Don't worry, I washed my hands." He noticed my cringe and laughed outrageously before darting back into the helicopter. "When do we leave?" Rude boarded behind him, judiciously taking the middle seat so that I wouldn't have to sit next to Reno. Always the gentleman. Tseng gave us all a glance before taking off again, and then we were flying across the countryside for another two hours.

At least Reno wasn't trying to grope me for the rest of the trip, since reaching over Rude would probably have gotten him killed.

--------------------------

We settled into the small inn at Gongaga, which didn't have separate rooms at all but a small back room with four beds. Five minutes after we checked in, Reno was already lounging lazily, uniform completely askew, and Rude was standing in bodyguard position by the door. Tseng was gone, doing some recon before we went to sleep. Tomorrow we would begin inspecting the reactor.

Tseng looked grumpy when he finally returned.

"I ran into Scarlett," was all he needed to say. The rest of us nodded in pity and he settled himself on the bed diagonal from mine. "She's looking for something called Huge Materia. She wants me to assist her when she pokes around the reactor tomorrow, and she says that Avalanche is in the area, so I want you three to watch the paths that lead to this town and the reactor. If you can't entrap them, the President is going to be very displeased." Tseng just sounded tired, but I supposed that flying a helicopter for five hours could do that to a man. Even an invincible man like Tseng. "Can you handle Avalanche?" he asked wearily.

"Of course we can!" I insisted, and he just gave me a look.

It was a bit disheartening, back in those days, when I knew Tseng didn't really understand who he was working with. He only saw the ditzy blonde who somehow had been recommended for Turk duty, despite the fact that I'd nearly kicked the shit out of him when we'd sparred a few months back. He didn't understand that I was as much a Turk as Reno and Rude were, that I was _steel_.

Sephiroth had noticed, but that wasn't helping me sleep any easier at night.

But then again, I looked at who Tseng had to work with. The ditzy blonde, the drunk redhead, and the silent giant. Sometimes we were more like a circus than an elite group of fighters. But at crunch time, we'd get the job done.

Well, until Avalanche came along.

The twilight outside began to dim into night and Reno kept sending me suggestive looks, but there was no way I was going to sneak out with him under our colleagues's (and the man I loved's) nose. After awhile he realized I wasn't game and so instead he began lazily stripping, as if taking his shirt off would make me suddenly realize that I couldn't live without him. It didn't, of course, and he sullenly got into bed and a few moments later I heard a funny little snore. Tseng was similarly already asleep, despite it being so early in the evening, but I chalked it up to the long flight and decided I needed fresh air before I watched Tseng sleep for the next three hours, which would have been pretty creepy.

"I'm going for a walk," I told Rude, who was still hulking by the door. He nodded and I quickly slipped out of the inn and walked under the stars.

Every time I leave Midgar, I always stop and admire the Mako-free sky. The stars were beginning to wink out and the hot stickiness of the Gongaga rainforest was receding into the cool of night. Crickets were something we didn't have in Midgar, I mused as I walked, and palm trees, and the strange night birds, chirping as if they had to sing their hearts out before the moon rose. The place was too peaceful, and I was out of place. I was a killer – I didn't belong in this peaceful existence.

A footfall sounded behind me, and I knew it was him before I even turned around.

"Have you been following me?"

He gave a low, throaty chuckle. "Don't flatter yourself." I whirled around and glared at him, giant in the darkness. "You fascinate me, but it is something…more…that brings me here." The moon rose in the sky behind him and I felt vaguely like I was in a cheesy movie, for the moonlight silhouetted his intimidating figure and shined off his hair.

"Look," I said, because there was no way in hell I was going to act scared of a man who kept his stupid alcohol in my refrigerator, even if it was Sephiroth, "you've left me alone for the past month, and it's kind of nice. I'm not anything special. I'm just Elena." We both knew I was lying, and it sang in my blood. I was indeed special; I was a Turk, and I was the only female Turk at present, and we all had a destiny.

"These are pivotal times," he spoke as if reading my mind. "You four are all that's left of a legacy that spanned generations at Shinra. You stand between me and my goal. You stand between me and those rebels that are after my Mother. And _you_," he took a step closer, and I met his stare, cat-slit green to blue. "You are going to be someone, someday." And then I noticed the materia shining in his wrist guard.

The world fell away, just as I'm sure he'd intended it to.

--------------------------

I woke up grumpily the next morning with a headache the size of Midgar, lying on my uncomfortable inn bed. Rude was still standing by the door, but both Tseng and Reno were gone, and as I sat up, the events of the night before came back to me.

"Rude!" I exclaimed, not really sure what to ask.

"You didn't come back for several hours," he told me. "Finally, I woke Tseng and we went looking for you. We found you unconscious on the path outside town, and we brought you in." He paused for a moment, this sort of speech beyond his usual vocalization. "Did Avalanche attack you?"

I huffed. Surely I could take on Avalanche.

"No! I don't know what happened." A lie. Sephiroth was there, and he had hit me with some sort of spell (probably Sleep, it occurred to me), after telling me I was going to _be _someone (which kind of offended me, because from my standards I already _was_ someone, albeit not a very important someone in the grand scheme of things). "I was walking, and then I woke up here."

He didn't believe me, but he let it go. "Tseng is already at the reactor. Reno is out figuring out the best place where we can waylay Avalanche. We're going to meet him." With that, Rude turned and walked out, leaving me to change into my spare suit and comb my hair. As I exited the inn, I noticed that Rude was already gone. While I walked along the path I'd started along the night before, my mind went back to Sephiroth.

Sephiroth. Every time I ran into that man, something stranger happened. First the giant sword and the fact that he didn't kill me, then the alley, then his fun visits to my apartment, and now suddenly he puts me to sleep for no reason? He obviously wasn't interested in me romantically. It was more as though he was looking for a protégé, someone to…talk to? Was Sephiroth, Shinra's nightmare, lonely?

No, that was ridiculous.

I have never been able to see the good qualities in myself. I was confident enough to rise through the ranks of Soldier, but it takes a different sort of confidence to look in the mirror and see a worthy person staring back. The fake confidence was easy, and the ditz façade even easier. I was a woman who lived in masks, and I knew as long as I didn't take them off, no one would ever be able to hurt the real person inside. In some ways, Reno and I were similar in that regard, and that's probably most of the reason why our pseudo-relationship worked as long as it did.

But Sephiroth had stepped out of the shadows and seen through the masks, and still he wanted…something…from me. The thought was daunting, terrifying. Exhilerating.

I rounded the curve in the path towards where it forked to the reactor, and I could hear Reno and Rude talking gruffly about something unintelligible. I was about to pass the stone that hid me and join the party when I heard Reno ask teasingly,

"Hey, Rude! Who do you like?" The man was so much trouble. When Rude didn't answer for a minute, Reno continued, "What are you getting embarrassed about? Come on! Who do you like?" He was so irritatingly persistent. I didn't actually expect Rude to respond to this annoying line of questioning (nor did I think Rude actually _liked_ anybody), so when, after a long pause, he responded, I almost fell over in surprise.

"…Tifa," he admitted gruffly.

Tifa? Who was _Tifa_! The name sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it. Apparently, neither could Reno, who put on his usual teasing tone and decided to mess with Rude a little.

"Hmmm. That's a tough one. But poor Elena! She…you…"

I sputtered. What on _earth_ was the man implying! That I liked _Rude_? Reno was going to be sleeping on the couch for the next _year_.

What I didn't expect was that Rude would take him so seriously…and that he would completely blow any chance I had at an actual relationship.

Of course, I didn't realize it at the time.

"No, she likes Tseng," he said flatly. For a moment I just stood there, stunned that Rude _of all people_ would let a (sort of) secret like that out of the bag, then I realized that Reno would never believe him. He did, after all, have a 'thing' going with me, and he also thought that I had gotten over Tseng months before.

"I never knew that…" Reno said hollowly.

Oh, shit.

Then he continued. "But Tseng likes that Ancient…" and I felt my stomach drop a little. Reno was pissed, Rude was oblivious, and Tseng…_liked_ someone? Then I heard another voice behind the palm fronds.

"What are they talking about?" It was the spiky-haired blond from Avalanche, with a _very_ well-endowed chick and a kid dressed like a ninja behind him. I put on my brave shoes, knowing that they would most likely sneak up on Reno and Rude when they were so distracted, and said to myself, under my breath,

"It's so stupid! They always talk about who they like or don't like. But Tseng is different!" Tseng would never gossip like that. Tseng would never inadvertently break my heart.

Then I ran out from my hiding spot. "They're here, they're really here!" I knew I sounded sort of ditzy again, but I was riding an emotional roller coaster at that point and I didn't really care. Reno gave me a long look, then turned to Rude.

"Hmm, then it's time." He put on a ghost of his usual asshole smile. "Rude, don't go easy on them even though they're girls." I glared at the sexist remark and he gave me another look.

"Don't worry, I'll do my job," Rude said, and I could have sworn there was a hint of sarcasm in his reply, but I didn't care because suddenly, I had to get _away_ from Reno before my heart burst. I spoke quickly.

"Then we're counting on you! I'll report to Tseng."

And then I was off, running down the path towards the reactor like a scared little girl, but I wasn't scared of Avalanche, or fighting, but of my feelings and how…heart wrenching it had been to see that look on Reno's face, and how horrible I felt at the thought that Tseng could like someone else.

Did I really like Reno?

It scared me.

But I still liked Tseng.

I reached the reactor panting, and Tseng and Scarlett looked up in surprise from the entrance.

"Avalanche is here!" I gasped out, then took a moment to catch my breath. "Reno and Rude are taking care of them, sir!" Tseng looked closely at me and I felt my heart tighten. His face was disapproving.

"Why aren't you helping them?"

Because I found out that Reno's in love with me, and I'm in love with you, sir.

"I felt as though I should inform you. Reno and Rude are perfectly capable of handling the situation on their own, and Rude was concerned about my fighting condition after my collapse last night…" I trailed off and looked to see if he was buying it. He looked impartial. "I didn't want to affect them in case I was still weak." He finally seemed to buy it.

"All right. Get back and see if they need help. After you've captured Avalanche, I've secured one of the houses to use as a cell until we can get them airlifted to Midgar. The woman at the inn knows which one it is."

"Yes, sir!" I was acting just like a rookie. It was very embarrassing, but lifting the mask would mean facing my feelings. Scarlett was watching me disdainfully from the side, and I kind of wanted to smack her slutty blonde face.

"Good. I'll be by later to check on the prisoners. Good work, Elena," Tseng said, then he and Scarlett turned to enter the reactor. I nodded quickly and took off the way I had come. I could hear the sounds of fighting in the distance and knew Reno and Rude were still at it with Avalanche, but when I thought about going back to join them, my heart froze in terror when I remembered Reno's face.

I walked a little ways off the path, into the rainforest, and found a smooth slab of rock. I curled up on it, and for the first time in three years, I let myself cry.

…to be continued…

Please R&R, they feed my inspiration. Yeah, that's a lie, because I got some great reviews for chapter 8 and it still took me two-something years to update, but I swear it's because college ate me and it's not because I don't love you all.

Next time: the aftermath! Reno confronts Elena – to tell the truth, or not tell the truth! That is the question. Also, Avalanche gets away! (WHAT? NO WAY) and Tseng is pissed off like none other. Stay tuned!


End file.
